5 Signs You're Praying for the Wrong Things for Your Birth
Hey mama! I'm so glad you're here. Today we're diving into something that's been weighing heavily on my heart—and it might just be the perspective shift you need as you prepare for birth. After walking through two births where I white-knuckled my way through with anxiety and control, God has been teaching me something revolutionary in this third pregnancy: what if our prayers for birth are actually keeping us trapped in fear instead of leading us to freedom? Let's explore how to move from praying for perfect outcomes to praying for God's perfect presence.
🎧 Listen to the Episode
My Journey From Control to Surrender
Can I be real with you for a moment? During my first two pregnancies, I approached birth like it was some kind of final exam. As if my birth story would be a report card showing whether I was strong enough, prepared enough, or somehow enough.
I'm naturally a strong-willed, determined person (which serves me well in many areas!), but when it came to birth, that determination morphed into crushing pressure. I believed that if I just prepared harder, researched more, and controlled every variable, I could guarantee the perfect birth experience.
Spoiler alert: That's not how birth works. And more importantly, that's not how faith works.
Now, pregnant with my third baby, something has radically shifted. My heart rests in a much more trusting, faith-filled place. Yes, we're still planning a home birth (God willing). Yes, I still have preferences. But I'm holding these hopes with what Paul calls "a peace that passes understanding."
The Parable That Changed Everything
Before we dive into the signs that your prayers might need redirecting, let me share the biblical story that transformed my perspective on birth preparation.
In Matthew 25, Jesus tells the parable of the talents. A master entrusts his servants with different amounts of money before going on a journey. One receives five talents, another two, and another one. The servants with five and two talents invest and double their master's money. But the servant with one talent? He buries it out of fear.
When the master returns, he praises the first two servants saying, "Well done, good and faithful servant." But he rebukes the third—not for having less, but for letting fear paralyze him from faithful stewardship.
How This Applies to Your Birth
You might be the mama with "five talents"—a healthy pregnancy, low risk factors, an amazing birth team, and confidence in your preparation. Or maybe you're the mama with "one talent"—facing complications, past trauma, or overwhelming fears about what's ahead.
Here's the beautiful truth: God isn't measuring your worth by how much you have to work with. He's simply asking, "Will you be faithful with what I've placed in your hands?"
Your role isn't to produce a perfect birth story. It's to:
Steward your preparation with wisdom
Trust God with the outcome
Worship Him through whatever unfolds
5 Signs You're Praying the Wrong Things for Your Birth
Let me lovingly point out some prayer patterns that might reveal where fear has crept in. (I've prayed every single one of these, so no judgment here!)
Sign #1: Your Prayers Focus on Avoiding Pain or Problems
Fear-based prayer: "Lord, please don't let this hurt too much. Please don't let anything go wrong."
Faith-based prayer: "Lord, be my strength when I come to the end of my own. Whatever happens, help me trust that You're working all things for my good and Your glory."
It's absolutely okay to desire comfort! But there's power in praying for God's presence IN the pain rather than just praying the pain away.
Sign #2: You Feel Anxious When Birth Might Not Go According to Plan
If your peace depends on everything going "just right," control might have become your comfort instead of Christ.
Fear-based prayer: "Lord, please let everything go according to my birth plan."
Faith-based prayer: "Lord, I've prepared wisely, and now I surrender my plans to Yours. Give me flexibility and peace to flow with however this birth unfolds."
Sign #3: You're Comparing Your Birth to Others
Whether it's envying someone else's birth story or desperately hoping to avoid what happened to your friend, comparison creeps in through both pride and pain.
Fear-based prayer: "Lord, give me a birth story like hers."
Faith-based prayer: "Lord, write a birth story that's uniquely mine and uniquely Yours. Help me receive it with gratitude, whatever it looks like."
Remember: God isn't in the business of recycling birth stories. He's writing yours brand new!
Sign #4: You Feel Pressure to Prove Your Strength
Fear-based prayer: "Help me prove I'm strong enough to do this naturally."
Faith-based prayer: "However this birth unfolds—unmedicated or medicated, vaginal or cesarean—let Your strength be made perfect in my weakness."
True faith doesn't prove; it rests.
Sign #5: Your Prayers Stop at Your Own Experience
Fear-based prayer: "Lord, help me have a good experience."
Faith-based prayer: "Lord, fill that delivery room with Your presence. Let Your character be evident to my baby, my husband, the medical team—let everyone in that space encounter You."
When your focus shifts from what you'll feel to how God will move, everything changes.
📖 Scripture to Anchor Your Heart
"Well done, good and faithful servant." - Matthew 25:23
Notice Jesus doesn't say "successful servant" or even "fruitful servant." He praises faithfulness with what was entrusted. You don't have to be perfect. You just have to be faithful.
But What If Things Go Wrong?
I hear you, mama. Maybe you've walked through birth trauma or loss. Your questions are valid. Your fears make sense.
Here's what I know to be true: God's faithfulness isn't measured by our outcomes, and His goodness isn't dependent on our comfort.
Sometimes He meets us in the valley. But He doesn't abandon us there. He carries us through in ways we never imagined possible.
Faithful prayers don't guarantee a perfect birth. But they do guarantee God's presence through whatever comes
🙏 A Prayer for Your Birth Journey
Dear Lord,
I pray for the mama reading these words right now. You know her heart inside and out—her hopes, her fears, her deep desire to honor You through pregnancy and birth.
Meet her wherever she is. If she's praying from control, reveal how to trust You. If she's praying from fear, remind her that perfect love casts out fear. If she's carrying the weight of outcomes, help her lay them at Your feet.
Let her see that You are present in both the blessing and the breaking. Help her prepare with wisdom and trust You with the rest. And when she finally holds her precious baby, may her heart echo with the words, "Well done, good and faithful servant."
In Jesus' precious name, Amen.
📎Resources & Links Mentioned
📩 Share your rewritten prayers with me on Instagram @faithoverfearbirthdoula
✨ Christian Mama Birth Prep Library - Free birth prep tools, worship playlists & more
✝️ Online Christian Childbirth Education - Explore my complete birth preparation self-paced course
💛 Work with Me 1:1 - Personalized pregnancy and birth support that integrates faith and evidence-based care, including virtual coaching, doula support, and comprehensive childbirth education
📞 Free 15-Minute Discovery Call: Schedule your no-obligation consultation with me today! I would LOVE to connect with you.
📣 Let’s Stay Connected
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Meet Your Host —
Natalie is a certified birth doula and childbirth educator in Jacksonville, FL. She's trained through DONA International, certified as a Body Ready Method Pro, and an advanced VBAC doula. Through Faith Over Fear Birth, she equips Christian women to experience peaceful, faith-filled births through both virtual and in-person support.
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📄 Full Episode Transcript
Hey friend, and welcome back to the podcast. I'm Natalie. I'm a Christian birth doula and childbirth educator, and I help mamas like you prepare for birth with confidence, peace, and faith that's rooted in Jesus instead of fear. Today we are going to be talking about something that really has been stirring in my heart. The Lord has really been just impressing this message on me of what are you praying for when it comes to your birth.
So before we dive in, I did want to share this story with you. During my first two pregnancies, as I was preparing for the birth, I carried a lot of anxiety about how everything would go, as if it was all up to me, as if my birth story would be some kind of report card or indication of my strength or my self-worth. And I am naturally a very strong-willed, determined person, which, you know, can be a good thing in many areas of life. But when it came to preparing for birth and when I would think about my birth experience that was upcoming, that determination became a weight that honestly crushed me with just so much pressure and anxiety to make everything as perfect as possible, as if I could somehow guarantee my birth experience if I just prepared enough and tried hard enough. And that's literally not my place, nor is it yours. And it took me those first two births to really understand that was where my mind was at, even if I would've probably never verbalized that or, you know, seen that, recognized that.
But now that I'm in this pregnancy with my third, I'm experiencing something that is totally different. My heart is in a much more trusting, faith-filled place. You know, of course I'm still having my birth preferences. We're still planning, God willing, a home birth again. But I hold these expectations and these hopes with a peace that passes understanding, where I really do feel that the Lord has my baby's birth story already written, and I'm just in excited anticipation of how the Lord is going to show up during that experience.
And this assurance is honestly new for me. I am normally a very anxiety-prone person and I love to control or have that feeling of control for outcomes. But God has been so gracious with me to help me see him rightly as the sovereign God over all things, and to do what I know to do in preparation, of course, but to understand that my birth story is not a reflection of me or my efforts.
So today's episode is called "Signs You're Praying for the Wrong Things for Your Birth," and we're going to be talking about how to shift from control to surrender, from fear to faith, and from self-focus to God-glorifying trust.
Pregnancy really does have this way of exposing our desire for control. You know, we plan, we research, we prepare, and all of that is good. That can be really good stewardship. But when our peace starts to depend on things going our way, we are quietly moving from trusting God to trying to be God. And I have definitely caught myself praying for things like comfort, ease, and an uncomplicated birth story without realizing that sometimes God's glory really does shine brightest in moments that break us before they even bless us. He is not interested in giving us an ideal experience. He is interested in shaping our hearts to look more like his. And shaping often happens in tension between our plans and his purpose.
So you might be thinking, "Okay, Natalie, are you saying I shouldn't prepare? That I should just show up for this birth and just hope for the best?" Absolutely not. That's not at all what I'm saying. Let's dive into why preparation with the right heart posture is totally different than just winging it.
So before we get to the key verse for this episode, I wanted to unpack the story that Jesus tells in Matthew 25, and it's the parable of the talents. A master was going on a journey and he entrusted his servants with different amounts of money—talents. So one servant receives five talents, another receives two, and then another receives one talent. And the servant who had five talents went out and he doubled it. And the one who had two talents did the same. But then the one servant who had the one talent, out of fear, buried it in the ground. And so when the master returned, he celebrated the first two who had been faithful with what they were given, saying, "Well done, good and faithful servant." But the servant who hid his talent out of fear was rebuked, not because he had little, but because he did not trust the heart of his master with what he had been given.
So you might be thinking, "Okay, how is this tied to birth?" So let's tie this all in. You might be the mama walking into labor with what feels like five talents. Your pregnancy is going really well, you're low risk, your baby's healthy. You have a really great birth team, and you're feeling prepared and confident for your upcoming birth. Or maybe you're the mom who is with the one talent and your pregnancy is complicated and you have a lot of fears. Maybe you even have past birth trauma or a loss, and that is making this birth feel really heavy and scary. But either way, the Lord isn't measuring your worth or faith by how much you have to work with. He is simply asking you, "Will you be faithful with what I have placed in your hands?"
So the servant with more talents wasn't more loved, and the servant with fewer wasn't forgotten. Both were given exactly what the master knew they could carry, and both had the opportunity to respond with faith. So in the same way, God has entrusted you with this birth journey, unique in its challenges and its beauty and its purpose, and your role isn't to produce a perfect birth or a perfect birth story. It's to steward your preparation, your mindset, your body, your heart with faith, and to trust him with the outcome.
Sadly, our culture is really obsessed over control and outcomes, but God has called us to something radically different than that, and it's faithful stewardship. So we are told that a successful birth is one that goes smoothly or as planned, but Jesus says in Matthew 25:23, "Well done, good and faithful servant." Notice he does not say "successful" or even "fruitful" servant. He praised those two servants who were faithful with what they had been entrusted.
So you don't have to predict every twist and turn. You don't have to be perfect at every step. You are simply called to prepare with faith, not fear, and to trust the outcome to the one who holds all things together. This is where we see the difference between a faithful and a willful mindset. So a willful mindset prays from striving: "If I do this, then I will get the outcome I want." A faithful mindset, on the other hand, prays from surrender. So you pray things like, "Lord, I'm gonna prepare with wisdom and trust you with the rest."
And that small but pivotal mindset shift really does transform your birth from a place of "Okay, this is a performance" to "This is a moment that I get to worship and glorify the Lord." And this isn't about neglecting preparation and just again, hoping for the best. It's about holding your plan with open hands while you prepare with wisdom, and it's about doing your part faithfully while trusting God with his part, which again is out of your control.
So now let's dive into the signs that you might be praying the wrong things for your birth. I'm not pointing these out to shame you, but I want you to notice where your heart might be if you're needing a little redirection towards surrender.
Sign number one: Your prayers are mostly about avoiding pain or problems. So if your prayers sound like, "Lord, please don't let this hurt too much. Please don't let anything go wrong," your focus might be more on comfort than Christlikeness. Instead of "Lord, please don't let this labor hurt too much or let the pain be manageable," try, "Lord, please be my strength when I've come to the end of my own." Another way you can swap out prayers—instead of saying, "Please don't let anything go wrong," instead pray, "Lord, whatever comes up, help me trust that you are with me and you are working all things for my good and your glory." It is okay to want peace and safety. I'm not saying that those things are bad, but even more powerful is to pray, "Lord, meet me in whatever comes. Be my comfort, be my strength, and be my victory." So that's sign number one.
Sign number two is you feel anxious when you think about your birth not going according to plan. So when your peace depends on everything going just right, it may mean that control has become your source of comfort and not the Lord. So instead of praying, "Lord, please let everything go according to my birth plan," pray, "Lord, I've prepared wisely, and now I surrender my plans to yours. Give me flexibility and peace to flow with however this birth unfolds." Faith doesn't mean that we're not planning. It just means that we're preparing and then releasing the outcome to the Lord.
Sign number three: Your prayers compare your birth to someone else's or even to your past experience. And that could be positive or negative. So if you find yourself saying, "Lord, I hope my birth goes like hers," or "I pray that this doesn't happen to me again," or "I pray that I have the exact same birth as last time," then your heart might be caught between longing for control and you're just fearing disappointment. So instead of praying things like, "Lord, give me a birth story like hers," pray for things like, "Lord, write a birth story that's uniquely mine and uniquely yours. Help me to receive it with gratitude, whatever it looks like."
And then, you know, we just know that comparison really can creep in through both pride and pain. So measuring your birth against someone else's story, positive or negative, or like I'm saying, like a past birth experience of yours—God is not in the business of recycling birth stories. He is writing yours brand new. And so just resting in that, that the Lord is writing a story that is uniquely yours. And just like in the parable of the talents, he's not asking you to replicate anyone else's results. Only you get to be faithful with what he's placed in your hands.
Sign number four: You feel pressure to get it right so you can prove your strength. If your prayers sound like striving, something like, "Help me prove to myself that I can do this naturally," or "Help me to show everyone how strong I am," your focus might have drifted from his glory to yours. And that sounds really harsh, but instead of praying things like, "Lord, help me prove that I'm strong enough for this," pray to the Lord, "However this birth unfolds—unmedicated or medicated, vaginal or cesarean—let your strength be made perfect in my weakness." Because true faith doesn't prove; it rests.
And then our final sign, sign number five: Your prayers stop at your own experience. And so if you are praying things that are me-focused instead of we-focused, so this might sound like, you know, "Lord, help me to have a good experience," I want you to instead start shifting to praying things like, "Lord, fill that delivery room with your presence. Let your character and nature be made evident to my baby, to my husband, to the nurses, to my doctor, my midwife. Let everyone in that space encounter you." And when your focus begins to shift from what I will feel and more into how the Lord will move, your perspective really does begin to transform.
So there is a chance you might be thinking, "Okay, but what if I pray faithfully and I still end up with a very traumatic birth? Or I, you know, I'm surrendering things, but then things go like terribly wrong?" And Mama, I hear you. And if you have walked through previous birth trauma or even a really intense loss, I am so sorry. And just know like the Lord is not out to get you. It is not a reflection of him wanting to punish you or anything like that.
But here is what I do know: God's faithfulness is not measured by our outcomes and his goodness isn't dependent on our comfort. Sometimes he does meet us in the valley, but he does not abandon us there and he doesn't leave us there. But instead, he really does carry us in those deep valleys in ways we just never could have imagined.
So faithful prayers are not like guaranteeing a great birth. Like I'm not saying that even praying these things is, "Okay, that's the key to unlocking the most amazing birth experience." Like absolutely not. But this does guarantee that the Lord's presence will be there no matter what happens. And for those of you thinking, "How do I trust God when I have experienced loss before?" your questions and fears and all of that is so valid. And trust after a traumatic experience is built very slowly, gently, one prayer at a time. So start praying wherever you're at. A prayer like, "Lord, I believe, but help my unbelief," that is such a true, powerful, appropriate, faith-filled prayer.
So I wanted to close—obviously we're talking about prayer a lot—but let's go ahead and wrap up this episode with a prayer:
"Dear Lord, I just, I pray for the mama who is listening to the sound of my voice right now. You know her heart in and out. You know her hopes and her fears and her deep desires and how she wants to honor you with her pregnancy and birth. And I just ask, Lord, that you would meet her wherever she is. And if she's praying from a place of control, I ask you that you would reveal in her heart how to trust you. And if she's praying from fear, I ask that you would just remind her that perfect love casts out fear. If she's carrying the weight of outcomes, whether that's a previous birth or just thinking ahead, I ask that you would help her to lay those down at your feet, to cast those cares on you, Lord. And I ask that you would just let her see that you are both in the blessing and in the breaking. And Lord, just help her to prepare with wisdom. I pray that you would entrust her with faithful stewardship in her body, in her mind, and in her plans, and that she would just trust you with all of the rest of it. And Lord, when she finally does give birth to her precious baby, I pray that her heart would just echo with the words 'Well done, good and faithful servant.' I ask this in your precious name, Jesus. Amen."
If this episode was an encouragement to you—maybe a little bit stinging, like I know it stings my heart even too, to ponder some of these things—but would you take a moment to just share this with another mama who might need this reminder? And here's your challenge for this week: I want you to take one of the prayers that I mentioned or laid out as an example, and I want you to start rewriting some of your own prayers from a place of surrender rather than control. And you are more than welcome to share it with me on Instagram. I'm @faithoverfearbirthdoula, and I would just love to just pray alongside of you with that prayer.
And if you have not yet already, please rate and review the podcast. I know that takes a few minutes out of your day, but it really does go a long way in helping more mamas find this information, this faith-centered space to just hear truth and to know that they're not walking in birth alone and with fear.
You can also go to my website, faithoverfearbirth.com, and explore some other ways that I can support you, whether that's my 30-day devotional, childbirth education, or doing virtual birth support with me. I am so honored to walk beside you in this journey of surrender, faith, and peace. And until next time, remember that your birth story is in the hands of the one who writes only good things.
