Why Your Birth Preparation Matters More Than You Think: Maria's Life-Changing Story
Hey mama! Today's conversation is one that's been on my heart to share with you. I had the incredible privilege of sitting down with Maria Lilly, whose birth story reminds us that God's faithfulness shines brightest in our darkest moments. If you're feeling anxious about birth, facing unexpected pregnancy complications, or wondering if all that birth prep is really worth it—this episode is especially for you.
🎧 Listen to the Episode
When Your Birth Plans Shatter: Maria's Journey from Fear to Faith
Maria's story begins like many of ours—excited about pregnancy, terrified of birth, and desperately wanting to skip straight to the motherhood part. With a big family vision (she's one of eight, her husband one of five!), Maria dove headfirst into preparing for natural birth, despite her overwhelming fear.
The Preparation That Changed Everything
After discovering Husband Coached Childbirth by Bradley, Maria's perspective shifted dramatically. She devoured every book, research article, and natural birth resource she could find. But here's what set Maria apart: she created index cards for each stage of labor, detailing specific tools and techniques to use when her brain would be too overwhelmed to remember.
"I was like, okay, there's actually no way that I'm going to remember to use the LI4 acupressure point in early first stage of labor," Maria shared. So she prepared cards for:
Early first stage labor techniques
Active labor strategies
Transition coping methods
Pain management tools
What to do if interventions were needed
Little did she know how crucial this preparation would become.
When Everything Changed at 35 Weeks
At what seemed like a routine 35-week appointment, Maria's midwife noticed her fundal height measuring small. The ultrasound that followed revealed devastating news: her baby was measuring at only 27 weeks—8 weeks behind in growth.
"In that moment I was like, alright, that's it. All my plans out the window, something's wrong. Something is desperately, desperately wrong," Maria recalled.
The drive home brought Maria's first panic attack. "I felt in that moment like God was punishing me... I asked him, why? Why are you doing this to me? I've been a faithful Christian. I've tried my best. I read my Bible, I say my prayers."
An Unexpected Victory in the Delivery Room
Despite predictions that her induction would take days and likely end in cesarean, Maria's body—prepared by weeks of natural techniques—responded beautifully. With just two doses of Pitocin, her daughter Josephine was born in six hours.
"Something worked and I attribute that to just having the tools," Maria explained. Even under the intensity of Pitocin contractions (which don't allow the natural endorphins that make labor bearable), Maria's preparation carried her through.
The Diagnosis That Changed Everything
Twelve days into their NICU stay, geneticists delivered news that would reshape Maria's entire life: Josephine had Wolf-Hirschhorn syndrome, a rare chromosomal abnormality affecting 1 in 50,000 pregnancies. They were told:
25% chance of survival to birth (which Josephine had already beaten)
33% chance of losing her before age two
Possibilities of never walking, speaking, or feeding herself
Finding Mary in the NICU
In her darkest moment, questioning why she didn't get the joyful motherhood experience others had, Maria felt God speak to her heart: "Neither did my mother."
"Mary, after having our Lord, she was forced away from her family. She had to flee into Egypt... The distance she traveled on foot with a baby was 1,200 miles. She was in a foreign land. She had no idea how long she would be there or if she would ever see her family and friends again."
This revelation transformed Maria's perspective. Christ, who loved his mother deeply, allowed her to walk through tremendous suffering—yet never abandoned her.
📖 "This happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him." - John 9:3
This scripture became Maria's anchor. When the disciples asked Jesus why a man was born blind—whose sin caused it?—Jesus revealed a different perspective entirely. It wasn't about punishment or mistakes. It was about displaying God's glory.
From Corporate Accounting to Birth Ministry
Maria's experience lit a fire within her. Encountering mothers in her community who had traumatic births without any high-risk factors, she realized most women either didn't have time to research or were getting conflicting information.
"That lit a fire in me to get this holistic God-given information about natural tools that can help women... into the hands of mothers who need it."
The Birth of Primal Pregnancy App
Maria transformed her labor index cards into a comprehensive app that includes:
Stage-specific labor guides showing which tools are most effective when
Weekly pregnancy preparation tailored to each week's needs
Pain-reducing recipes based on research about minerals like magnesium and calcium
Evidence-based natural techniques for minimizing interventions
"The fact that I have zero app building experience... That's not because I'm this tech genius. No, I don't know how the TV works. The fact that this still got going is a testament to... God wants this in the hands of mothers and babies who need it."
The Ripple Effect of Redemption
Maria shares powerful testimonies from app users:
Mothers achieving home births when they thought vaginal birth was impossible
Women going into labor naturally after expecting mandatory inductions
One mom who told Maria: "You changed my marriage"—her redemptive birth experience healing strain from a previous traumatic birth
"None of it could have happened without Josephine's diagnosis... Years later, women and babies and families are benefiting from that experience."
What Maria Wants Every Pregnant Mama to Know
"Take it seriously. Nobody has a neutral birth experience."
Maria's powerful reminder: "It's designed to make a powerful positive impact on your family... This is all part of the design. Prepare for it like it's important because it is. It's one of the most important days of your life."
📖 Scripture for Your Heart
As I listened to Maria share her powerful story, several verses wove through her testimony like golden threads, each one offering profound comfort for mamas walking through difficult pregnancies and births. Let me share these treasures with you:
When You Feel Punished or Forgotten
"This happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him." - John 9:3
Maria clung to this verse after Josephine's diagnosis. When the disciples assumed the blind man's condition was punishment for sin, Jesus completely reframed their perspective. Your pregnancy complications, your baby's diagnosis, your birth trauma—these are not punishments. They are canvases on which God can display His glory through your story.
When You Question Why Your Motherhood Journey Looks Different
"For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin." - Hebrews 4:15
When Maria cried out asking why she didn't get the joyful motherhood experience others had, God reminded her that Mary, the mother of Jesus, also walked a path of unexpected suffering. Our Savior understands. His own mother fled as a refugee, traveled 1,200 miles on foot with a newborn, and ultimately watched her son be crucified. Jesus is intimately acquainted with maternal suffering.
The Promise Hidden in Birth Pain
"He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief." - Isaiah 53:3
Your labor pains, your pregnancy fears, your postpartum struggles—Jesus understands them all. He doesn't stand at a distance. He enters into our grief and carries our sorrows.
A Verse to Carry Through Labor
Though not directly quoted in the episode, this verse perfectly captures the transformation Maria experienced:
"When a woman is giving birth, she has sorrow because her hour has come, but when she has delivered the baby, she no longer remembers the anguish, for joy that a human being has been born into the world." - John 16:21
Even with Josephine's diagnosis, even with the NICU stay, even with all the uncertainty—joy came. Different than expected, perhaps, but joy nonetheless.
🙏 A Prayer for Your Birth Journey
Lord, I lift up every mama reading this who's carrying fear about her birth, her baby, or her future. Remind her that You are the God who brings beauty from ashes, who displays Your works through our weaknesses. Give her the courage to prepare well, trusting that You'll use every tool, every prayer, every act of faith for her good and Your glory. In Jesus' name, Amen.
📎Resources & Links Mentioned
📱 Primal Pregnancy App: Maria's comprehensive birth preparation tool with labor guides, weekly pregnancy tips, and pain-reducing recipes
✨ Christian Mama Birth Prep Library - Free birth prep tools, worship playlists & more
✝️ Online Christian Childbirth Education - Explore my complete birth preparation self-paced course
💛 Work with Me 1:1 - Personalized pregnancy and birth support that integrates faith and evidence-based care, including virtual coaching, doula support, and comprehensive childbirth education
📣 Let’s Stay Connected
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Meet Your Host —
Natalie is a certified birth doula and childbirth educator in Jacksonville, FL, who runs Faith Over Fear Birth. Through her podcast, virtual doula services, and Christian-centered birth education, she helps mamas experience peaceful, faith-filled births. After her own redemptive birth experiences, Natalie is passionate about equipping women with both practical tools and spiritual encouragement for their journey through pregnancy and birth.
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📄 Full Episode Transcript
Natalie: Today, I'm so excited to introduce you to Maria Lilly. Maria is a Christian wife and mom whose first birth experience completely transformed her life. She was so moved by God's design for motherhood that she left her corporate job to become a doula and a Lamaze certified childbirth educator. Now she helps holistic-minded women prepare for empowering birth experiences through her work and her Primal Pregnancy app. She has such a powerful story about her daughter's scary diagnosis, but how God led their family through that difficult season, and I just can't wait for you to hear how she uses that experience to serve other moms. Maria, welcome to the podcast. I'm so happy you're here.
Maria: Thank you for having me. I've been looking forward to this all week long. I've been on a few podcasts to tell this story, but never from a Christian perspective. And in my opinion, that is the most accurate and truthful perspective. So I'm really excited to be here.
Natalie: I love it. Well, speaking of your first birth experience, you said that that experience was difficult, but also left you in awe of God's design. Can you just paint us a picture of what that experience was like for you?
Maria: Yeah, I'll just start from the beginning. So the pregnancy was an easy one. We got pregnant fairly quickly after our wedding. We were just over the moon. We were ready to have a family. I have seven brothers and sisters. Sam, my husband, has four, so we got together and we were just like, we want to start a big family. Let's get going. And we got pregnant almost right away.
Just over the moon about it. I was so excited to be a mom and I just had so many plans for motherhood. I was going to teach her piano and I was going to make her bilingual. I literally minored in Spanish and became bilingual in college so that I could have bilingual kids. So I just was so happy to pass that on to somebody else. I was just so happy to be a parent. I had always wanted to be a mom.
The one thing was that I was absolutely terrified of childbirth and I just wanted to skip forward to the motherhood part and just be a mom. But I did not want to go through childbirth. But at the same time, I really wanted to do it naturally, which didn't make any sense. But looking back now, I think that God put that desire in my heart because of everything that followed because of that desire to give birth naturally.
So I was absolutely terrified, still wanted to do it. And I was googling all of the things you shouldn't Google. You know, whatever Reddit is posting, all the terrible horror birth stories. And then a friend of mine lent me a natural birth book. It was the Bradley book, Husband Coached Childbirth, and I devoured every page. I read through that thing and I was like, wait a minute, wait a minute. Childbirth can be like an empowering thing. It can be like an accomplishment, really difficult, sure. But you can feel good about it and have ultimately a positive experience.
And it just opened the floodgates for me. And that book led to another book, which led to all the research articles in the world. And by the time I was in my third trimester, I was ready to go. We ended up taking the Bradley course. I had so much information that I was like, okay, there's actually no way that I'm going to remember to use the LI4 acupressure point in the early first stage of labor. But then when you get to active labor, you combine it with the SP6 acupressure point. The human brain is not capable of doing something that intense and carrying all of this information and actually applying it effectively.
So what I did was I wrote out in bullet point format all these things that we would be able to use and take into labor. So early first stage, I had an index card of just boom, boom, boom. All the different things that we could do in the early first stage of labor to minimize pain, speed things up, keep everything progressing, and lower rates of interventions. I did that for every stage of labor, transition, pushing, all of it, as well as pain management. I had a pain management card. I had a what to do if a cesarean section is needed. What to do if we need to speed things up, what to do if we need to start labor in the first place.
So I was ready. I was at the point where I was actually kind of excited to give birth, which, I mean, who was excited to give birth? But I was. I was so ready to finally apply all of this information and do this thing, which at that point I was quite passionate about. So I was feeling good. I was feeling ready for everything except for this.
At my 35-week appointment, I went in to see the midwife and she said, "Your fundal height is measuring a little small." And she didn't have an ultrasound at the birth center. So she had me go and make an appointment at the ultrasound place.
And over the weekend, I was just catastrophizing. I was googling all the things like, what does a small fundal height mean? What does it mean to be growth restricted? What would that look like for a baby? And I learned all these terrifying things. Higher rates of NICU stays, higher rates of developmental delays, of this, of that. And so I was staring down the barrel of this, but I told myself, okay, she just needs to be four pounds, which at 35 weeks, four pounds makes a cutoff of like, you're having a really small baby, but you're still healthy. Everything is still fine.
So I get in there and I'm just hoping, I'm praying, we're praying all weekend long. And midway through the ultrasound, I'm scared to ask the ultrasound tech anything for any updates because I'm just sitting there just like, okay, what's happening? What's happening? But my husband, he's with me and he asks, "How's the baby measuring? Where's she at?" And the ultrasound tech, she was completely silent the entire time. And she says, "Your baby's at around 27 weeks." So weeks behind in growth.
And in that moment I was like, alright, that's it. All my plans out the window, something's wrong. Something is desperately, desperately wrong. This is not just you're having a small baby anymore. This is something is wrong. I knew at that point that a growth-restricted baby would need a NICU stay, staring down the barrel of developmental delays, all these issues, and there was absolutely no indication as to what caused it. What was the issue? She looked fine. Everything was fine. She was proportional, she was moving well, her heartbeat was good. The blood flow was all good. So they even asked me, "Are you sure you got your due dates right?" I was like, yes, I'm pretty sure. I know that my due dates are correct. But we just had no answers and a lot of questions.
So maybe I should have taken panic attacks more seriously. Up to this point, I had never experienced this before, but on the drive home, I stopped breathing or it felt like I couldn't breathe and I was like hyperventilating. I didn't know at the time like, oh, that's what a panic attack is. But in the moment, I was like, why can't I breathe? And then I knew that not being able to breathe was bad for the baby. So that just stressed me out more.
I felt in that moment like God was punishing me for anything, anything. And I asked him, why? Why? Like, why are you doing this to me? I've been a faithful Christian. I've tried my best. I read my Bible, I say my prayers. Why are you doing this to me? What? I've tried my best for you. So I felt rejected, punished, that I had done something to deserve this, and he was taking it out on my baby, which of course we know that that is not how our Lord operates, but in the moment, you have your doubt when you're under that type of stress.
My midwife, she transferred me out of the birth center because obviously at that point I was too high risk and I saw an obstetrician who checked me out, couldn't figure anything out, couldn't figure out what was going on. A maternal fetal medicine specialist, same thing. I ended up seeing multiple different specialists and they all said the same thing.
Your baby needs to be born ASAP because it's looking like there's intrauterine growth restriction, which that's where something is wrong with the placenta usually. So the baby isn't getting the nutrients and the oxygen that they need, so their growth is restricted. And eventually if you don't get the baby out, they will starve to death or their oxygen is cut off and they don't make it. So it is a very true high-risk situation, but weirdly enough, everything looked good. Like I mentioned, the heartbeat looked good. Blood flow looked good. Nothing was wrong with the placenta. She was just really, really small.
So with the information that we had at the time, it looked like she needed to be born ASAP. However, she was doing really well inside the womb, no signs of distress, nothing. So I was able to advocate. I had learned enough self-advocacy tools to say, okay, let's not go straight to the C-section. Let's try for an induction and see how that goes. And they agreed after warning me that, look, this induction is going to take days. It's rarely effective when the baby is this small and you're gonna end up with a C-section anyways. And I was like, okay. I know, I know. I just want to try. This is just really important to me for all of these reasons, obviously. And they agreed. So that was good of them.
The induction date was set. And I started to prepare like my life depended on it. I drank all the teas, I did all the herbs and the oils and the chiropractor and the acupressure, and something worked. Something helped because I went in there and the obstetrician checked me and I had not had a single cervical check this entire time, this entire pregnancy, and my cervix was ripe, it was ready to go, and it was already beginning to dilate. I didn't tell anyone this at the time because I was like, I don't want to get in my head about it, but I was feeling light contractions and I'd never really felt a full contraction before. So I wasn't really sure if that was happening, and I didn't want to get my hopes up. But no, I was feeling light, easy contractions and I'm 37 weeks at this point.
So this thing that wasn't supposed to work, going into labor this early, which almost never works, it was actually happening and my body was working with it. So we check in at the hospital and contractions were light. They were coming in, they were very gentle. They checked my cervix and it was primed. It was ready to go. It was already starting to dilate. So something had worked, something had been effective. Still to this day I attribute it to all these different things, just to having the resources.
They didn't need much Pitocin and looking back, I don't think they needed Pitocin at all. They started me at about 10:00 PM and they warned me, look, okay, this is gonna take days. It's probably gonna be ineffective. You've gotta keep ramping it up and then you take it down and then you ramp it up again. Then it may work or it may not work. They gave me two hits of Pitocin and my daughter was born in six hours.
Something worked and I attribute that to just having the tools and during that labor it was not an easy labor. Now having given birth at home in a much more peaceful, calm setting, I know what an easy birth can be like. So laboring under the influence of Pitocin, that is so much more difficult. It is so hard on your body.
The reason for this is because with a normal natural contraction, the oxytocin contracts the uterus, and then the oxytocin rises so high that it also stimulates beta endorphins, which are the feel-good hormones that make you feel calm and make you feel good. It makes labor a positive experience. However, Pitocin, it simulates oxytocin. So it contracts your uterus, yes, but it doesn't have those feel-good beta endorphins that come after it. So it's just the pain of labor without those positive feel-good, happy hormone drugs that you get on the side.
So it was really, really intense and I'm glad that I didn't know that at the time because otherwise I don't know if I mentally could have done it. Something else I didn't know at the time was with Pitocin contractions, your uterus does not completely relax between each contraction. So during that last hour or so, I could not tell when one contraction started and the other one stopped. It was like one giant hour-long contraction. And I was like, okay, I'm not sure. Am I like three centimeters now? Four? I don't know. Like I didn't know where I was at because I didn't want to play that mental game of checking and being disappointed if you're not too far along.
But eventually I got to a point where I was like, okay, I just need the information. I need to know where I'm at so that we can make a game plan. And the OB came in. She checked me, I was at nine and a half and this entire time I was still thinking, any minute they're gonna come in and say, "Hey, your baby's in distress. We need to go for the C-section." So minutes after she checked me, I got to 10, my water broke and I didn't know I was pushing yet. I felt this strong urge to bear down and I was like, wait a minute. What's that? What's happening? I was like, wait a minute. That's the urge to push.
Oh my gosh. I read about this and at that point I was like, oh my gosh, I'm actually going to have the birth that I wanted to have. I had been waiting for them to come in and tell me I needed a C-section. I'm actually doing it. So I was just over the moon. And I mean, of course, that gave me that impetus to be like, all right, let's do this. I'm just gonna push this baby out. And she was born within 15 minutes of pushing.
And to this day, I'm still just ecstatic because she, well, we'll get to this, but she had only a 25% chance of survival and I think that having the birth that she had, it was gentle. It was natural. We used God's given tools, just natural things that he's provided to us through his creation, and I think that that is a huge reason why she's doing as well as she is today. She was not supposed to have a good birth. She was not supposed to have 37 weeks in the womb. And yet by using the tools that God has given to us, she did. She did, and I think that she has benefited throughout her entire life.
Natalie: Oh, that is so powerful, Maria. Like to go into what seemed like a very straightforward pregnancy and then to just that news just crash down on you guys at the very, very last, to then have to refocus all of your plans and your strategies and all the things that you had prepared for that the Lord had given you that passion, that wisdom, that knowledge to do and then to still even apply that to your high-risk hospital birth. It's so beautiful. Like it really does just show the Lord's faithfulness in your story.
And again, like you're saying, like just when we have those tools, like I say it all the time, like I think having that doula support, having that preparation ahead of time, which I know that's like a big thing for you and which we'll go way more into that in a minute. But just that preparation goes such a long way in just building up that toolbox for you to be able to utilize things. It's usually the right thing at the right time. Because that's what wisdom is, like knowing what to do and when, and that's just so beautiful to see how the Lord was using all that knowledge to just guide you in wisdom to be able to supply her with the most helpful birth experience, both for you and for her. And it's beautiful. Just so, so beautiful to just see that faithfulness.
I knew that there were obviously complications, but I didn't realize the extent of her growth restriction and all of that, so, wow. What a powerful testimony that the Lord gave you for that first birth experience.
Maria: She's incredible and all of it just, it goes to show me still to this day that in no way would our Lord have punished me or hurt her. And yeah, he gave us something difficult, a very difficult circumstance, but he did it in the kindest way possible. He was holding our hand the entire time.
Natalie: And I love that you're also bringing that up because I think we all can go so easily to that mentality when things go really awry in our lives. That we assume that it's a punishment, that we assume it's a reflection on something we did. Sometimes we do have consequences for our actions and our sins and our choices. Absolutely. But sometimes there is just brokenness. Like when Adam and Eve ate that fruit, macro to micro was fractured. Cells don't do what they're supposed to do. Weather systems don't do what they're supposed to do. And it's just a result of the fall and it is not something that the Lord is like, I'm gonna get back at you by having this horrible thing come into your life, especially when it comes to our children.
I feel like when we get to that place where we can believe that we really need to be like, wait, I'm gonna take this thought captive because I'm gonna give it to Jesus. I'm gonna say, Jesus, is this coming from you? Is this coming from the enemy? Is this coming from me? Like, I need to know where this voice is coming from. But yeah, just so powerful that even, you know, amidst a panic attack that you were experiencing previously, like getting that news to coming out on the other side of it being like there's no way that was you punishing me. There's no way. That's not who you are. That's not your character.
And even if we walk through really, really difficult pregnancies, births, postpartum, just motherhood in general, it is not a reflection that there's something we've done wrong, that we're being punished for. Sin was a consequence and God didn't curse Adam and Eve, he cursed the ground, our work would become harder. That he, like the work that he gave us. Good work, like growing our children, giving birth to our children, all of that. That's work. But it's now thorny. And it's hard and some days it feels fruitless. And that is just, that's the fall. That's not God punishing us. He didn't curse us. He cursed the serpent, he cursed the ground. And so I feel like that's a heart distinction. That's like really, really helpful to have.
So now I'd like to shift gears a little bit here and I would love for you to just tell me a little bit about how you help moms find peace, even when their birth story takes an unexpected turn. Obviously, you have been through this now personally, so you get to speak not only from professional knowledge and experience, but just even personally, which is huge.
Maria: Yeah. So aside from practical help, if there's something that I can actually physically, literally help with, obviously that's the first route to take. But if everything has been tried and your birth story does truly take an unexpected turn, I think that the most important thing from someone who's been there is letting the mom know that she's not alone.
Back to my story. We were so happy that our baby Josephine was born. We slowly bonded with her in the NICU and I think that it's important to talk about this, but I did not have a very strong bond with her at first. Because of the Pitocin. It reduces your oxytocin, which is the bonding hormone. And then also she was taken away from me at birth for obvious reasons. And just having those two combined, it was really, really hard to form that connection with her. And of course, we formed it over time, slowly but surely with a lot of skin to skin. And we just fell in love with our daughter over the next week or so.
But we were still wondering why, what had happened. Was it something we did? Maybe I shouldn't have eaten that Mexican food in the first trimester. You know, we were just racking our brains as to what could have possibly caused this. I mean, she was doing well, you know, she was proportional, she was sweet, she was just three pounds at birth, but she was doing well under the circumstances.
And then at 12 days in the NICU, the geneticist came by and with a 15-minute conversation changed our entire lives. They told us that our daughter had a rare chromosomal abnormality called Wolf-Hirschhorn syndrome, where she is missing part of her fourth chromosome. And it is so rare that even the professionals who study this stuff for a living, most of them have never seen a case like hers just because, I don't know the exact numbers, but it's like one in 50,000 or I think one in 50,000 pregnancies and then like one in a hundred thousand live births. And the fact that she made it to full term under those circumstances is almost unheard of. A lot of these babies don't make it. Many of them are miscarried, which is why she only had about a 25% chance of survival.
And we were also told during that conversation that we had a 33% chance of losing her before she turned two. There was a chance that she would never walk, a chance that she would never feed herself, a chance that she would never speak. Open heart surgery, liver failure, I mean, all of these things. She could have all of it. She could have some of it. She could have none of it. There are so few cases like hers that they don't really know.
So of course, they just gave us all of the information and so we were staring down the barrel of, we don't know what's going on. Obviously we were given this daughter who we love, but the life that we expected to have is not available to us anymore. And there was a very real loss that we went through at that time. And of course we were overjoyed to have our little girl. She was still the little girl that we loved. But the motherhood experience, the parenting experience that we were looking forward to, that was gone and we had to say goodbye.
And I felt alone, Sam and I felt alone. And this is also hard to admit because Sam and I, we love each other and we have a beautiful marriage, but we processed it very differently. So it took some time to come together after that and process it together, if that makes any sense.
And I was in the NICU a few days after all of this and I was just asking God, why? Why didn't I get the motherhood experience that everybody else gets? I couldn't bring my new baby home and show her off to the overjoyed grandparents. You know, when my baby was born, no one said, "Congratulations. We're so happy for you." Everyone was like, "Are you okay? How's everything?" You know? I didn't get that proud, happy moment. The skin to skin. Why didn't I get all of this?
And Natalie, I felt the words, "Neither did my mother." And in that moment, I thought about it. And Mary, after having our Lord, she was forced away from her family. She had to flee into Egypt. She was woken up in the middle of the night by her husband Joseph, and said, "We're going. They're trying to kill our son." She said, "What's going on?" And she didn't even have time to pack a toothbrush. And she has to get up. She has to leave her family and her friends. She has no support system. The distance she traveled on foot with a baby was 1,200 miles. She was in a foreign land. She had no idea how long she would be there or if she would ever see her family and her friends again. Talk about postpartum depression.
And here I was complaining while holding my baby while having a support system all around me. And this was not an afterthought. Christ loved his mother. There's that beautiful scene at the foot of the cross where he's got minutes left. He's crucified. He's gasping for air. Mary and John are at the cross below at his feet, you know, praying at this hideous yet beautiful scene. And he says to the two of them, "Woman, behold your son. Son, behold your mother."
So in that moment, he's essentially saying, "Hey, take care of my mom for me." She was not an afterthought. He clearly loved her, and yet he let all of these horrible things happen to her. She is literally watching her child be tortured and crucified, and yet in that moment he's thinking, "I want you to be taken care of." And I'm gonna try to keep it together. In that moment, I was like, even as I'm going through all of this, I feel the same like you are taking care of me.
So back to your question. Aside from practical help to offer mothers who are in need of it during an unexpected turn in their birth experience, the most important thing that can be offered is support. No one understands sometimes, especially when your birth experience is just so far from what is normal. No one can understand, but people can still be there. Sometimes it's as simple as dropping off a meal or sending a text. I appreciate every single person who sent a card or a text or whatever the case may be. And sometimes I didn't even always have the bandwidth to say thank you. But the appreciation was there and it was felt, and it really made the experience. My faith in humanity was restored through all of this. And people were so kind. I mean, people came crawling out of the woodwork. People I'd never even spoken to, like friends of friends would hear about what we were going through and send a card to us. I mean, it was really something. So support really goes a long way.
Natalie: We were not meant to do this alone. And I think especially when we are navigating, like you're describing, a very difficult pregnancy, birth, postpartum, NICU, like you're saying, grieving the motherhood journey that you had envisioned. And as you were speaking, immediately what brought to mind was Hebrews 4:15, and it reads, "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are yet without sin." He was acquainted with our grief. So that's Isaiah 53:3. And it says he was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief, and as one from whom men hide their faces. He was despised and we esteemed him not.
And so you drawing out that very powerful picture of Mary, not only in the postpartum time, literally fleeing for her and her child's life from people already at that point wanting to destroy him, her precious, perfect son. Like we say, our kids are perfect all the time. Jesus was actually perfect. And we think back to the cross and like you're saying, even Jesus as he's being crucified, as of course he's bearing the weight of sin, but he's thinking about his mama and just so beautiful that that's the Lord's heart for us. That he thinks about the mothers and he is not throwing hardship our way because it's fun, because it's a way to punish us, because it's just chaotic and he can't control it.
There is such calculation in the hardships that he allows to send our way because he is working all things for our good and his glory, and we can be assured that even suffering is not a sign that he has abandoned us or that he's disappointed in us or that we did something wrong, that he's inviting us to come alongside him because he was a man acquainted with grief, full of sorrows. The Son of God who literally lived in heaven, came down to earth. I would say that was a step down in every possible way, and yet he would do it. He would do it for us because we were worth it, just like our babies. As difficult as our pregnancy, our birth, our postpartum, all that can be, we get to look at them and say, you were worth it. And maybe not immediately. Maybe it takes some time and you're like, that was just so much, like I don't even think that was worth it. You know? You might be feeling that, but eventually the Lord in his goodness will reveal to us the goodness of that suffering and what it brings us through.
So I just love that you've just been given such, like I said, like a unique testimony in that way to be able to impart that support that you're not alone. Like, I feel like that's huge, that you're not alone when you're going through a difficult time, especially in this season where there's a lot of expectation and it's supposed to be a joyful moment, but for many, many moms and many, many families, it is not. It is nothing but heartache. And how do you reconcile that? You know, how do you put that in the context of your life and your faith in God? Thank you so much for sharing your story, Maria. So in practical ways, you teach childbirth education. So tell us a little bit about that, but can you also tell a little bit about your Primal Pregnancy app and just ways that even, you know, practically you are supporting and preparing families for this season of giving birth, pregnancy, and postpartum?
Maria: Yeah. So after leaving the NICU, I joined the moms groups and we have such a beautiful church community here in Colonial Beach. And I encountered many women here and then just in the surrounding area who had horrible birth experiences without any of these challenges. And I would ask them, "Well, did you try clary sage and acupressure and horse lips and this and that?" And they said, "No. What is that?" And that's when I realized women either don't have the time to do the research or they're getting conflicting information from this, that, and the other location. And that lit a fire in me to get this holistic God-given information about natural tools that can help women while not resorting immediately to medication into the hands of mothers who need it.
So I left my job. There were a lot of reasons I left my job, but this is another one of them. I became a childbirth educator. I took those index cards that I used in my own labor with the early first stage of labor and active labor and transition. And I took all those little bullet points and I turned it into the Primal Pregnancy app, which takes you through childbirth, pregnancy, a little bit of postpartum, and it does a lot more than just childbirth now.
So the labor guide, which I kind of alluded to with the index cards, it'll take you through each stage of labor. So starting with the early first stage, research shows that some coping tools and some progression tools are more effective at some stages of labor than other stages. So the labor guide is designed with that in mind, so it will show which tool is most effective at each stage of labor. And then how to recognize what stage you're in, what your birth partner can do, and then it takes you right through until the golden hour. So everything is designed to help you cope with labor naturally and then keep labor progressing and then as well as minimize interventions if your birth does call for that.
It also has a week-by-week pregnancy guide that prepares you for childbirth. So what week of pregnancy are you in? Remind me.
Natalie: I'll be 21 weeks tomorrow. Yeah. Tomorrow's almost past halfway through. That's exciting.
Maria: So in the app, you would plug in 21 weeks and it would show you at week 21. This is the most effective thing you can do to prepare your body and your brain for natural childbirth. This is what your baby needs for the developmental stage that they're at. And then this is what you also need to maintain a healthy, low-risk pregnancy at week 21. So it takes you week by week by week through your entire pregnancy up until the very end so that you can stay low risk, have a healthy baby, prepare for a natural birth, and minimize interventions if that really is what is called for.
It also has a recipe section, and I am such a foodie, so I love this. I still reference these recipes on a pretty much weekly basis, if not daily. There is a budding field of research that is all about minimizing pain using food like magnesium and calcium, for example. They lower pain perception in the brain. So I take that information and I apply it to all the recipes and they're designed to help you actually reduce pain in childbirth, and they are effective. I don't want to brag. They're super tasty and they are effective. I used these in my own second pregnancy, and I had a nearly painless childbirth experience. So I mean, I'm an N of one, but hey, something worked.
And I just want to say the fact that I have zero app building experience, I have no coding experience. I was an accountant. I don't know how to do this stuff, and I still got this going. That's not because, oh, I'm just this tech genius. No, I can't, I don't know how the TV works. The fact that this still got going is a testament to what I believe is the fact that God wants this in the hands of mothers and babies who need it. I pray every single day for all of my app users that they have the pregnancy and birth experiences that they deserve, that God wants them to have.
And that prayer has been answered. I've seen some beautiful stories. I've seen moms have a home birth when they didn't think that they could have a vaginal birth at all. I saw one mom go into labor naturally when she thought that she would have to be induced every single pregnancy. A mom reached out to me and she told me, "Maria, you changed my marriage." And I was like, alright. I mean, thank you for the compliment. I know that I didn't change your marriage. I know that that's just the power of a positive birth experience.
What was going on with her was she had a traumatic preterm birth with her older child, and it had placed strain on her marriage. Just the stress with everything. So going into this birth she just wanted a redemptive experience and using these tools that God has given us through nature, she was able to have a powerful bonding, redeeming experience, and her marriage benefited as a result. It really brought them closer together, and it's just a testimony to God's graciousness and his design for birth. I mean, that's what he wants. He wants childbirth to be not just get baby out of womb and into the world. It's designed to be a beautiful life-changing event that is impactful for the baby, the mother, the husband. The whole family is benefited when a birth goes well and none of it could have happened without Josephine's diagnosis.
And that's just another reason why I know God had us taken care of the entire time. I still would have stayed in my corporate accounting job that I absolutely hated, and I would have been doing that until I died. But here I am, and all of these moms have beautiful stories as a result of a situation that they had nothing to do with. And yet years later, women and babies and families are benefiting from that experience that we had a few years ago.
Natalie: It's just so powerful and yes, I completely agree. I think that when the Lord puts something on your heart to share, he will make it come through and there might be difficulties, there might be challenges to get that out there, but the Lord is so faithful to provide because that's who he is. He's a provider. And so I love that the Lord has given you the passion, the knowledge, and just the means to be able to get this information into the hands of, I mean literally like it's in the palm of your hand on an app. Just all of this information that is wisdom and just so beautiful for fostering a healthy pregnancy and birth.
I'm so, so thankful that you said yes to that. I'll put the link in the show notes for that Primal Pregnancy app for all of you mamas to download. A lot of it you give away for free. And then there's a paid version, correct?
Maria: Yeah, I would go for the paid version. I have the app myself. Such a plethora of knowledge and like I learn stuff on there too because I don't know everything there is to possibly know about pregnancy and birth. We're always learning these things. So thank you so much for doing that.
Natalie: So I wanted you to touch on a scripture or truth about God that has been an anchor for you in this challenging season of motherhood. Obviously, like you've kind of have already touched on the fact that you had a very beautiful home birth experience that was very different from Josephine's. But what was, you know, what's a scripture or a truth that the Lord has given you to get you through all this?
Maria: Yeah. So John chapter 9, verse 3. He's going with his followers through the town and they come across a blind man who'd been blind since birth, and they're asking him, "Well, what'd he do? What did he do to deserve this? Did he sin? Did his parents sin? Why is he cursed this way?" And he tells them, "This happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him."
And obviously I relate that back to Josephine. The world sees her, sees her life as a mistake, as a burden. Everyone says, "I'm so sorry." I get that all the time. And these people mean well. So I mean, no shade to them. But I hear that all the time. "I'm so sorry that this happened to you." But God sees her as perfect. We all fall short of the glory of God. We all sin, but Josephine, she's innocent, she is pure, and the world doesn't see it that way, but God sees her as his perfect, precious child. So loving her, taking care of her, it gives us the opportunity to love as God loves, and that's just, I get to be reminded of that every day. Just how he loves us, despite our imperfections and our sin, and all the ugly things about human nature. He loves us. Just as I get to love Josephine or other way around, I get to love Josephine the way he loves us.
Natalie: I think motherhood can be seen by some as like, oh, but what about your career? What about your aspirations? Like, didn't you want to travel? Didn't you want to have experiences in the world? And when you think of motherhood and the sacrifices you make, not as I have to make these, but I get to make these for the least of these. Like, I get to serve the least of these. That is our children, you know, they show us the rawest, most crazy versions, most sinful versions of ourselves. And yet, you know, changing a poopy diaper, you know, making lunch with kids screaming in your ear, like all those things, like that is a gift. I'm not saying that it's easy. Again, going back to the thorns and thistles of motherhood and just the struggle that we will have in our work, the work that's worth doing, but it is worth doing because that's the way God loves us. Absolutely. It's so beautiful. Thank you for sharing that.
So we'll end with this question. What is one thing you wish every pregnant mom knew about preparing for birth? Because I know this is your big thing.
Maria: Yeah. Take it seriously. Nobody has a neutral birth experience. No one gives birth and you ask them two years later and they're like, "Yeah. It was just kind of like any other day, you know, just kind of forgot about it. I don't really remember. Maybe this happened or that." No, everyone remembers. It will make or break your parenting experience one way or another. So take the preparation seriously. I mean, like I mentioned before, it's designed to make a powerful positive impact on your family. And a lot of women just want to speed it up and say, "I just want to get to the motherhood part." I was one of those women. Don't skip past this.
Look at the design. There is a period of waiting, of anticipation and preparation, and then there's that big challenge of childbirth and then the postpartum where we piece it all back together and we figure out who we are as a family. This is all part of the design. Prepare for it like it's important because it is. It's one of the most important days of your life.
Natalie: Yes, I almost kind of relate it to, it's like your wedding day. You know, like it's this big important day, it's also not the end of the story. And so it's like you want to have all that preparation, but it's like preparing for your marriage as well. You want to prepare through the pregnancy, through that postpartum time and just like the whole motherhood journey, you know, just like you'd prepare for your marriage. But absolutely it is a very, very important day that if you are neutral in your preparation, it just usually doesn't go the way you would want it. Because it is such an intense experience and especially like navigating it in the world that we live in, where most of the time women are giving birth in hospitals and, you know, just the lingo and the terms and all the things like it is so empowering to have that knowledge base to be able to operate in wisdom as you're making choices and decisions through your whole entire experience, that's from the moment you are wanting to have a baby to the rest of that baby's life. It's full spectrum. But yes. Thank you so, so much for just imparting your wisdom and sharing your story and your heart. I am just so thankful for you and just the ways that this is going to encourage and even challenge some mamas. So thank you so much, Maria.
Maria: Thank you for having me. This was a lot of fun.
