Creating Your Birth Preferences: A Step-By-Step Guide
Welcome back, sweet friend! Today we're diving into something super practical but incredibly powerful for your birth journey - creating birth preferences (often called a "birth plan"). Rather than trying to control every aspect of birth, which we know isn't truly possible, I want to help you create a communication tool that builds clarity and unity with your entire birth team. When you thoughtfully prepare your preferences, you'll feel more peace-filled knowing that everyone supporting you understands your heart and priorities.
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✍️ Get Your Free Birth Preferences Checklist!
Before we dive into all the categories to consider, I want to make sure you have the Birth Preferences Checklist PDF that accompanies this episode! It's available inside the Christian Mama Birth Prep Library! It's completely FREE and will help you easily document all your preferences in a format you can share with your birth team.
Why "Preferences" Instead of a "Plan"
I intentionally use the term "birth preferences" rather than "birth plan" because plans seem so rigid. When we frame these as preferences, it puts less pressure on the experience. You're simply making known what you would prefer to happen while remaining flexible if things unfold differently.
Before Labor Begins
The first category to consider in your birth preferences is what happens before labor begins. Your main options include:
Waiting for spontaneous labor - This is the most common approach for most women.
Induction of labor - This might be chosen for logistical reasons (like a deployed, or traveling spouse) or known medical factors, so it's wise for mom to deliver sooner rather than later.
Membrane sweep - This gentle procedure can sometimes help trigger spontaneous labor and might help you avoid a medical induction if you're approaching 41-42 weeks.
Fetal Monitoring Options
No matter where you give birth (home, birth center, or hospital), there will be some degree of fetal monitoring. Your main options include:
Continuous monitoring - From admission until birth, you'll have monitors on your belly. If available, wireless monitoring allows you to move more freely around the room.
Intermittent monitoring - Typically 20 minutes on, 40 minutes off. This is often available for low-risk pregnancies and allows for more movement between monitoring sessions.
As a doula, I've found that continuous monitors (especially the wired kind) can be frustrating because they need constant readjustment when mom or baby moves. Asking about wireless options ahead of time is definitely worth it!
Pain Management Preferences
It's helpful to think through your preferences for pain management:
No pain medications - If you're planning an unmedicated birth
Epidural - You can specify if you'd like to labor for a certain amount of time before receiving one
IV pain medications - Medication administered through your IV to lessen pain sensations
Nitrous oxide - "Laughing gas" that doesn't necessarily take away pain but reduces how much you care about the pain
Remember, there's no right or wrong choice here! Inside my Faith Over Fear Childbirth Education Course, I go into much more depth about the risks and benefits of each option, but the most important thing is making an informed choice that is appropriate for you.
Comfort Measures
These non-medication options can be incredibly helpful for managing the intensity of labor:
Massage - Even gentle touch on your arms, back, or legs can help remind your body to relax
Essential oils - My favorites are peppermint (great for nausea!), lavender, frankincense, and citrus oils
Low lighting - Consider bringing a starry night projector or LED candles to create a relaxing ambiance
Hydrotherapy - Access to a tub or shower can provide tremendous comfort during labor
Music - Create a lengthy labor playlist with meaningful songs (check out my worship labor playlist in the Christian Mama Birth Prep Library!)
Birth ball - Get a proper anti-burst birth ball (not just a yoga ball) that's the right height for you
Peanut ball - Great for keeping the pelvis open, especially with an epidural
Squat bar - Many hospital beds have these attachments to help with pushing positions
I teach all these comfort measures and many more labor positions in depth — with video demonstrations and practical tips for partners — inside my Faith Over Fear Childbirth Education Course.
Perineal Care
During the pushing stage, there are a couple options for supporting the perineum (the area between your vaginal and anal opening that stretches during the birth of the baby):
Warm compresses - Warm washcloths placed on the perineum help relax the tissues, draw blood to the area, and reduce tearing
Perineal massage/lubrication - Your provider may massage or lubricate the area with oil
Important note: I've unfortunately seen some providers massage too aggressively or use baby shampoo as lubrication. Consider specifying that you prefer natural oils (olive or coconut) instead of soap products that can disrupt the beneficial vaginal microbiome (or bring your own oil to the birth).
Umbilical Cord and Placenta
After your baby is born, you have several options to consider:
Cord cutting - Many partners enjoy cutting the cord
Delayed cord clamping - Waiting until the cord stops pulsating allows baby to receive all the blood and oxygen from the placenta
Cord blood banking - If you plan to store cord blood, your provider needs to know ahead of time
Placenta encapsulation - If you plan to encapsulate your placenta, you'll need a cooler to transport it
I personally encapsulated my placenta after my first birth but not my second. While I felt some benefits, make sure you research thoroughly and find a provider with high safety standards if you choose this option.
Newborn Procedures
Common newborn procedures include:
Eye ointment
Vitamin K shot
Hepatitis B shot
Circumcision (for boys)
I recommend researching these procedures thoroughly before making decisions (See the resources section below).
Feeding Your Baby
It's important to indicate your preferences for feeding:
Breastfeeding - Consider bringing a nursing pillow and requesting a lactation consultant
Formula - If you prefer a specific formula, bring it with you
Combination feeding
If you plan to breastfeed, I generally recommend avoiding pacifiers for the first 3-6 weeks to prevent nipple confusion while establishing breastfeeding.
Special Requests
Don't forget to consider special requests like:
Photos and videos - Designate someone specific (partner, doula, friend, or professional) to document your birth
I wish I had more photos and videos from my first birth with Ellie. For Daniel's birth, I hired a professional photographer, and those memories are absolutely priceless to me. If you're on the fence, I recommend having someone take photos - you can always delete them later if you don't want them, but you can't go back and capture those moments once they've passed.
🙏 A Prayer for Your Birth Journey
Dear Jesus, I thank you so much for the Mama reading right now. You see her heart, her hopes, and her plans as she prepares for the birth of this baby.
Lord, I pray that you would remind her today that while planning is wise, your purpose will stand, and that is a good and beautiful thing.
Lord Jesus, fill her with peace and let her feel your nearness in this moment, in this season, especially for the unknowns. Give her wisdom in making decisions and clarity in communicating these things with her birth team.
And when the time comes for her baby to enter this world, I pray that she is filled with strength, joy, and a deep confidence—not in herself, but in you.
Lord, thank you so much that you are going before her. You are beside her and you are covering her with your unfailing love.
In your name I pray, amen.
📎 Resources & Links Mentioned
🎁 Christian Mama Birth Prep Library – FREE Birth Preferences Checklist, worship playlists & more
🤰 Work with me personally – Walk through pregnancy with faith & personalized support
☑️ Birth Ball Sizing Guide - Check out my Instagram post about proper birth ball sizing
📖 Online Christian Childbirth Education - Explore my complete birth preparation self-paced course
👶 Newborn Procedures - The Vaccine Friendly Plan Book
📣 Let’s Stay Connected
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📄 Full Episode Transcript
Hello there, sweet friend, and welcome back to Faith Over Fear, the Christian Pregnancy and Birth podcast. Today we're diving into something super practical but also incredibly powerful when it comes to preparing for birth. Today we're talking about birth preferences, sometimes called a birth plan, but I really like to think about it more as a communication tool because truly this isn't about controlling how birth unfolds, but about creating clarity and unity with your birth team, whether that's your OB midwife, doula, the nurse that's there, and your husband or whoever else is gonna be a part of the labor and birth experience.
Having a birth preferences checklist can help you feel more prepared and peace filled knowing that you've thought through the key decisions ahead of time, and that the people supporting you understand your heart, your hopes, and your priorities. In this episode, I'll walk you through some of the categories I recommend thinking about from your environment during labor to comfort measures, monitoring newborn procedures, and even some less common situations we don't always want to think about, but are still worth praying through and planning for.
And if you haven't already downloaded the birth preferences checklist, it's waiting for you inside the Christian Mama birth prep library, which you can sign up for at faithoverfearbirth.com or by clicking the link in today's show notes. It's totally free and it's a beautiful resource to help you fill out everything with confidence and clarity.
Alright, so let's jump in. The first category I have listed is before labor begins. And so there's a couple options here. You can wait for spontaneous labor, which most of us are probably gonna be in this category. And then you can also, choose to induce labor, which that could be based on. Logistical preferences such as your husband is deployed and you wanna try and have him be there for the birth. So there could be, social factors at play.
There could also be medical factors at play. Your baby is showing signs that they're not doing as well. Or you start having some signs that it would be better for you to not be pregnant anymore. So in that case, having an induction is gonna be the better option instead of just waiting for labor to begin spontaneously.
A way for some moms who want to have a spontaneous labor and say they're at their due date or they're starting to get close to 41 42 weeks, it just depends on your provider's protocols. How long, they will kind of let you stay pregnant. But one way you can help prevent the need for an induction is to have a membrane sweep. And in episode three, I go into more detail about what a membrane sweep is and how that can maybe help get labor going.
But a membrane sweep is an option potentially depending on your provider. And how far along you are. To help reduce the risk of needing an induction because it may help start labor spontaneously ahead of an induction that is scheduled. So that's some of the options for before labor begins.
The next category is fetal monitoring. So no matter where you're giving birth home, birth center, hospital, there will be some degree of fetal monitoring In a hospital, it's more typical to see continuous monitoring, which means. From the time you get admitted until the time the baby is born, you will have some form of fetal monitor on your belly, and sometimes there's an option for a wireless monitor and this just depends on your hospital and what they have available.
But it's always worth asking ahead of time if wireless monitoring is an option because wireless allows you to move more freely around the room and change positions. I find as a doula that when we have a mom that has continuous monitors, the wired classic kind, it's very sensitive to where on your belly it is. And baby's position. And if baby moves or you move positions, that monitor will not pick up the heart tones anymore. And it can be a little frustrating because then the nurse has to come in and readjust constantly, especially if mom is moving around a lot. So if you have an option for wireless continuous monitoring, that is a great solution.
The other option is to have intermittent monitoring. And what this typically looks like is you will be monitored for 20 consecutive minutes, and then for 40 minutes you have no monitoring whatsoever, and then 20 minutes back on 40 minutes, no monitoring. And this is a great option if you and your baby are considered low risk. So again, this just depends on your provider, their preference, and also how you and baby are doing if this is an option for you.
The next category is pain medications. So if you know ahead of time you do not want to have an epidural, you don't want IV pain medications or nitrous oxide. Check no pain medications as your preference.
And then the next option is, of course, getting an epidural. If you know ahead of time that you would like to labor for as long as you want or you can, and then get the epidural check next to epidural if that is what you would like.
The next thing is IV pain medications and IV pain medications. You're not getting a shot or you're not taking an oral pill. This is medication they push through your iv.
And nitrous oxide is having laughing gas. If you've ever had dental work done laughing gas can, it doesn't necessarily take away pain. It really just takes away how much you care about pain. So those are those more typical pain medication options. And so if you know ahead of time that you would like to explore those. Go for it. Check off the things that you want. Inside of my childbirth education course, I go into much more detail about the risks and benefits of all of these different options, but this is just kind of a brief overview of what your pain medication options are for labor.
The next category is comfort measures. So this is non-medication options for dealing with the intensity of labor and birth. So one of the very common ways to comfort you in labor is to just use massage. And this doesn't need to be deep tissue massage. This can just be gently having somebody stroke your arms, your back, your legs, whatever you need to just facilitate relaxation in your body because. Most of us tend to tense up when we're experiencing pain, so it's really helpful to have that gentle touch to help remind you to relax.
Another thing I love to bring to births is essential oils. My favorites are peppermint and lavender, but I also bring with me frankincense. A couple citrus oils, like I have lemon and orange. Use whatever you find relaxing and helpful, say you hate the smell of peppermint oil, then don't bring peppermint oil there's a good chance you will not really cure for it in labor as well. So just bring essential oils that you like that help facilitate a relaxing environment for you.
Peppermint oil is also wonderful if you're feeling nauseous. And again, if you can tolerate that smell, low lighting is such a simple way to change the environment that you're in. I even recommend having some sort of starry night light projector or LED candles or both. Those are again, great options to just set the ambiance of relaxation for your labor and birth.
If you are at a facility, whether it be a hospital, birth center where you have access to a tub whether that be like a blowup tub, some have, full blown actual tubs. And then same with birth centers. There's a couple different options there, but getting into water hydrotherapy is a great option and if a tub isn't available, a shower is also fantastic. If you are the kind of person where taking a relaxing shower or bath is helpful, you will more than likely find that also helpful when you are laboring.
The next is music and I have a worship labor playlist inside of the Christian Mama birth prep library. But choose songs that are meaningful to you whether that be worship music or some songs from your wedding. Something that just fills you with joy and peace and calm. Those are the songs that you would want to be playing during your labor.
Make a labor playlist ahead of time. You want it to be several hours long, because think about how long labor might be and you don't wanna hear the same five songs over and over again. You will be sick of those songs and never wanna hear them again. Make a very long labor playlist and I even chose to make my labor playlist well ahead of time and I would just play that labor playlist when I would get ready for work or do whatever. And it was a great way for me to just meditate and pray as I anticipated hearing these songs in labor.
Another really simple option for comfort measures is having a birth ball, and I recommend actually getting a birth ball, not a yoga ball. And the difference between the two is birth balls are made with much higher quality material and they're anti birst. So say for some reason your sitting on your birth ball and it bumps into a sharp corner, it's not gonna just completely deflate and be dangerous for you. Plus you want that birth ball to be nice, strong, and sturdy to be the correct height.
So find a birth ball. Amazon has a ton. And I'll link one of my favorites in the show notes. But find a birth ball that is the correct height for you. I even have a social media post talking about birth ball height that's appropriate, so I'll link that post in the show notes as well.
Having a peanut ball, which if you've never heard of a peanut ball, it is a ball shaped like a peanut. It's a similar material to the birth ball, and that's a great option for laboring with an epidural because it helps keep the pelvis open depending on where you have it in between your legs. And you can also sit on it like you're straddling a horse. And that's a great option even if you are, medicated or unmedicated to be able to just kind of rest your legs, but get in, say a hands and knees position. So peanut balls are incredible and such a great simple tool.
Another thing you can request, especially if you're giving birth in a hospital, is a squat bar. And what's funny is I have requested squat bars when I'm at a birth, and sometimes the nurses don't even realize that they have squat bars that connect into the labor and delivery bed. So ask around for that. Say, is there a squat bar that's available? And it literally just connects into the bed. And that's a great option for getting into a deep squat position without having to hold yourself up completely in that position.
The next category is perineal care. So this refers to during the pushing stage, so not just, you know, randomly when you're laboring, but when you're pushing your baby the perineum, which is the space between your vaginal and anal opening. This is the, area that will stretch tremendously as the baby is being born, but there can be a really intense stretching sensation in that area.
And so there's two options as ways to help during that stage. The first is very simple. Having warm compress. So this is something that the nurse can do that the doula can do. And even your partner can do this is get a couple washcloths and a little basin of warm to hot water and put the warm wash cloths in the water, wring it out. Not all the way, but just enough to where it's not like sopping and place that on the perineum and what it does is that warmth helps relax the perineum. It also helps draw more blood to that area, which helps the stretching of the perineum and helps reduce the instance of tearing during the delivery. That's a really low intervention way to help with that process.
Another thing you can do is have your provider massage or lubricate your perineum with oil and. I have unfortunately seen some providers overdo this massage. They massage way too aggressively. And if you, especially if you're unmedicated speak up. If it becomes too much, if the provider is massaging too aggressively or too much, just say something like, I, I don't wanna be massaged anymore. Thank you. And it just needs to be as simple as that. It doesn't have to be this whole ordeal. You don't need to justify yourself.
And then the other thing that I've seen is providers use baby shampoo as lubrication, which if you. I would even recommend you put on your birth preferences checklist that you do not want shampoo used as lubrication, and you can bring your own olive oil, coconut oil, something other than shampoo to use as lubrication if they want to use lubrication. We don't use soap in our vagina because it destroys the good microbiome, which is one of the benefits of having a vaginal delivery is baby gets introduced with the vaginal microbiome, which helps their skin, their internal microbiome. And so we don't wanna destroy that with soap. So using coconut oil, olive oil, something like that is a great option. So bring your own, if you're concerned that your provider might use shampoo, which you can just ask about what they typically use for lubrication, if anything.
The next category is umbilical cord and placenta. Once you have delivered the baby your placenta will remain inside you. It depends on for how long, but usually, within 30 minutes you'll deliver the placenta, and you can have your partner cut the umbilical cord if that's what he would like to do.
And you can also request delayed cord clamping. This has become much more common practice, but I would definitely look into the benefits of delayed cord clamping. What it's essentially doing is the blood that is in the placenta will then pump to the baby and give baby all of the blood that it really needs and oxygen that it needs. And so if you are requesting delayed cord clamping, just make sure that your provider either is already doing that standard or that you can request that.
There's a couple different definitions of delayed cord clamping. Some providers consider that 30 seconds, 60 seconds, and they have a specific timeframe for that, and then other providers will wait until the cord has stopped pulsating, meaning that blood from the placenta is done transferring to the baby. And that's usually what I would recommend is wait until that umbilical cord stops pulsating. And so just mark as such, if that's what you would prefer.
The next is cord blood banking. And if you plan to do cord blood banking, let your provider know because they will need to collect cord blood at the time of delivery. I actually have yet to have a client that does cord blood banking. If you're interested in that, I would look into that a little bit more but it is, very expensive to privately store cord blood. But for some families that might be worth it.
The next is placenta encapsulation. If you plan to encapsulate your placenta you will need to usually have a separate cooler ready to go so that once you leave the birth center or the hospital, you can take your placenta with you in a little cooler. The benefits of placenta encapsulation are more anecdotal. There's not a ton of studies out there about placenta encapsulation.
I personally encapsulated my placenta with my first birth, and then I didn't do it with my second. And I did feel like there were some benefits to placenta encapsulation, but there's also some drawbacks. It depends on the person who is encapsulating your placenta, they need to be handling it properly. If they don't, there's a risk for infection and other things that are just harmful to you and your baby. So if you decide you would like to do placenta encapsulation, just make sure you're doing a good amount of research on who you plan to encapsulate your placenta and just make sure that the practices they use, the standards they have for encapsulating are high standards.
The next is newborn procedures. So if you know ahead of time you do not wanna have newborn procedures check no procedures there. Typical procedures are eye ointment, vitamin K shot, and hepatitis B shot. And then if you're having a boy circumcision is another common newborn procedure depending on where you're giving birth or your provider's practice. You may have the option to do a circumcision inside the hospital or birth center or wherever or you may have to schedule a separate appointment for that. I really recommend doing research about these ahead of just opting to do them.
I'll put some links for the pros and cons of common newborn procedures. But again, just make sure you're doing some research ahead of time.
The next category is feeding the baby. So breast milk formula a combination. Just make sure that you are indicating with your provider and the team what your preference is. If you plan to formula feed, they will have formula there. But if you know ahead of time that you want a certain specific formula, bring that with you to the hospital or a birth center. And if you plan to breastfeed, bring like a nursing pillow. And then you can also of course use hospital pillows and things to kind of help make yourself comfortable.
And if you do plan to breastfeed. I highly recommend doing research ahead of time. And sometimes you can even schedule a lactation consultant visit ahead of even giving birth, so while you're pregnant, you can even meet with a lactation consultant and then if you have strong feelings about pacifiers some moms do, some don't.
My general recommendation is to try and avoid pacifiers in those first three to six weeks. Babies can get nipple confusion, and so if you're trying to breastfeed, but you're also giving a pacifier. It's almost like your baby is trying to learn two languages at once, and so it might be easier for them to just be introduced to just the breast nipple. And once three to six weeks have passed or breastfeeding is well established, then you can introduce a pacifier.
If you plan to give birth in a hospital, there are often lactation consultants that will be available at some point while you're staying there. And so request a lactation consultant as soon as possible. Some lactation consultants are there 24 7. Others come very specific hours during the day, so check and see what your birthplace has as options for scheduling a visit with a lactation consultant
The last category I have listed for the birth preferences checklist is special requests. If you would like to have photos and videos of the labor and birth, make sure you designate somebody specifically for that, whether that be your doula, your partner. A friend or if you want to have a professional come and video and or take photographs of the labor and birth.
I wish so much that I had more videos and pictures of my first labor with Ellie and for Daniel's birth I did have a professional photographer, and those photos and videos from both births mean the world to me. If you're kind of on the fence about whether or not you want to have documentation of that. But you're kind of leaning on the side of, I think that would be nice to have. Definitely have somebody there to take those videos and pictures because if you do want them but you don't have somebody lined up for that, you will be so sad because that moment has passed. And say you do think you might want them, somebody takes videos and pictures, but you don't want to see them. You can delete them and pretend they never existed. Something to think about and plan ahead for.
As we wrap up this episode, I want to encourage you with a verse that I think is just so perfect. It's Proverbs 19:21, and it says, many are the plans and the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand. And I just love this wisdom. I think it's so appropriate to think through the plans that you have, think through your preferences, and that's really why I don't call it a birth plan. I really try to intentionally frame it as birth preferences because plans seem so rigid, whereas you can make known your preferences.
Like I would prefer to not have an epidural, or I would prefer to have intermittent monitoring, and that puts less pressure on the plan so that you can go into your experience and you feel informed and you've thought through what you would like to have happen, but you're also not holding so tightly to your plans that if it doesn't happen, you're hard on yourself, that things didn't go according to plan. Does that make sense?
And I hope that you're encouraged by Proverbs where it's talking about yes, we have many plans because we want what's best, but when we trust in the Lord that he will establish his perfect plan, even if it's different than what we had planned, that he is still good and he is still loving when he allows things to unfold differently than how we planned it to be.
I'd love to close this episode with a prayer. Dear Jesus, I thank you so much for the Mama listening right now. You see her heart and her hopes and her plans as she prepares for the birth of this baby. Lord, I pray that you would remind her today that while planning is wise, your purpose will stand and that is a good and beautiful thing.
Lord Jesus, I pray that you would fill her with peace I pray that you would let her feel your nearness in this moment, in this season, especially for the unknowns. Give her wisdom in making decisions and clarity and communicating these things with her birth team. And when the time comes for her baby to enter this world, I pray that she is filled with strength, joy, and a deep confidence. Not in herself, but in you. Lord, thank you so much that you are going before her. You are beside her and you are covering her with your unfailing love. It's in name I pray, amen.
So I hope this was a practical episode for you, and I hope you tune in next week for an interview I have with Crystal Doiron. She is a clinical social worker and mama, and she and I have a really powerful conversation about mental health. And ways to prepare for, pregnancy and birth and the postpartum season in regards to mental health. So I hope you tune in next week for that.
