Why She Changed Her Mind About Epidurals: Emily's Story
Welcome, sweet mama! I'm so excited to share Emily Whalen's powerful birth story with you today. Emily (@nurtured_little_nest) is a dear friend, content creator, and someone I had the honor of serving as her doula. Her journey from mental health struggles to discovering the transformative power of mindset in birth will encourage your heart and remind you that God can use even our most challenging circumstances for good. Grab your coffee and settle in—this story is one you'll want to hear.
🎧 Listen to the Episode
There's something beautiful about how God uses our birth stories to reveal His heart to us in ways we never expected. Emily Whalen's journey is a perfect example of this—a story of transformation, surrender, and discovering that our mindset truly shapes our reality.
When Emily first got married at 20, just before the pandemic hit, she had no idea the challenges that lay ahead. Her husband left for Army basic training shortly after their wedding, leaving Emily to navigate the isolation of lockdowns alone. It was during this difficult season that she began experiencing mental health symptoms that would eventually lead to diagnoses of OCD and bipolar disorder.
The Unexpected Pregnancy
After a year and a half of therapy, medication adjustments, and living with in-laws while they found their footing, Emily and her husband Josh finally got their own apartment. It was then that Emily discovered she was pregnant—despite being on medication that shouldn't have allowed conception and having been on birth control for years.
"I was being really emotional about something and my husband was like, 'What if you're pregnant?' I was like, 'No, I'm not. No, I'm not pregnant.' And then I went to the store and a Taylor Swift song made me cry randomly in Target and I was like, 'Ooh, maybe I should buy a test.’”
That phone call to Josh while he was standing in the jail after making an arrest, with Emily sobbing so hard she couldn't get the words out, marked the beginning of a pregnancy journey that would challenge everything Emily thought she knew about birth.
The Book That Changed Everything
Initially, Emily was set on getting an epidural. Like many first-time moms, she had resolved early in pregnancy that there was "no medal for going unmedicated." But then she read Ina May's Guide to Childbirth—a book that completely reframed her understanding of labor intensity.
"It totally reframed for me the intensity of labor and birth. And I had never heard that before... I just didn't see any sort of value with even attempting [unmedicated birth]."
Emily's husband Josh, having worked as an ER tech and witnessed births in the hospital, was skeptical. But when he challenged her decision, Emily's competitive spirit kicked in: "This sounds like a challenge now, so now I have to do it."
The Power of Mindset
One of the most powerful aspects of Emily's story is her emphasis on the power of our thoughts and words. As she puts it: "Don't say anything out loud that you don't want to be true, because anything you say, your brain hears it."
This principle became central to Emily's birth preparation. Instead of focusing on fear-based scenarios, she intentionally spoke positive truths over her pregnancy and upcoming birth. When we understand that our mindset truly dictates our reality, we can choose to align our thoughts with God's good design for birth.
Labor and Birth: "Holy Forever" Moments
After a week of sitting at 4 centimeters dilated with random contractions, Emily's labor finally began in earnest. The pizza she ate for strength came back up (a good sign that things were progressing!), and they headed to the hospital around midnight.
Emily's goal throughout labor was simple: stay calm and present. When the nurse commented that she seemed too calm to be in active labor at 6 centimeters, Emily replied, "I'm trying really hard."
The most powerful moment came during the height of her contractions when "Holy Forever" by Chris Tomlin began playing on her worship playlist. Emily can't listen to that song in church now without weeping, remembering how God's presence filled that labor room.
"I was getting to a point where I was getting tired and that song came on and I just was like, 'All right, everything's gonna be okay. God is with me.'"
The Unexpected Challenge
Just when Emily thought she was ready to push, they discovered her baby was "sunny side up"—facing the wrong direction. The doctor suggested a few more minutes of pushing followed by a potential C-section, but Emily's doula (that's me!) asked if the doctor could manually rotate the baby.
"She was like, 'Well, I can try, but you're gonna feel the whole thing.' And I was like, 'I don't care. Just do it.' So she did, she just stuck her hand in there and gave him a little spin. And 20 minutes later I pushed out my beautiful little boy who just needed some help with directions on the way out."
The Moment That Changed Everything
The instant Emily's son was placed on her chest, everything shifted. Having worked in childcare for years, she thought she understood love for children. But this was different:
"The feeling of him actually being placed on my chest is almost, it's indescribable how much of an immediate connection that I just instantly had with him... The minute he came out, I was like, 'I would do anything for you, literally anything.' And what did he do? He just breathed once, and I was like, 'Yep. I'm gonna just change everything about my life for you.'"
"I feel like God really does that on purpose because I did not have a clear understanding of his love for me until I had my own child. It used to baffle me like God sent his son. Jesus was looking at me on the cross and was delighted in that, that he was saving me. How? Right? Like how is that possible? And now that I have a child and God's supernatural love is coming through me to my child, I can understand more of what that's like because I cannot consider a situation where I wouldn't do anything for him."
Motherhood as Sanctification
Emily's postpartum journey revealed how God uses motherhood to sanctify us. Initially resistant to letting motherhood change her identity, she soon discovered that fighting the transformation only led to misery.
"I was resisting the change. I was resisting letting God sanctify me through motherhood. And once I realized that, that my life is going to look different... How you feel about it is based on your mindset and how much joy you experience is based on what you're willing to take in."
This revelation led Emily to start her Instagram account @nurturedlittleness, where she shares about slow living motherhood and how Jesus transforms our minds and hearts. Her content combats the lies our culture tells about motherhood—that it's awful, that children are burdens, that we should resent our circumstances.
"The world tells us that motherhood is awful. It's a trap that you're a victim, that you should resent your spouse, that your kids are terrible... when you tune that out, [those things] are not true."
🙏 A Prayer for Your Birth Journey
If you're walking through mental health challenges during pregnancy, questioning your birth choices, or feeling overwhelmed by the unknowns ahead—may you be reminded that God's design for birth and motherhood is good, and He will equip you for every step of this sacred journey. May you experience His presence in your labor room just as Emily did, and may you discover the depths of His love through the gift of motherhood.
In Jesus' name, amen.
📎 Resources & Links Mentioned
😍 Ina May's Guide to Childbirth by Ina May Gaskin
🥑 Real Food for Pregnancy by Lily Nichols
📲 Follow Emily: @nurtured_little_nest on Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube
📚 Christian Mama Birth Prep Library – Free resources, labor playlist, and guides to help you prep with peace
❤️ Virtual Doula Support & Childbirth Education – Explore my doula support and childbirth education services
📣 Let’s Stay Connected
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📄 Full Episode Transcript
Natalie: Welcome back to Faith Over Fear, the Christian Pregnancy and Birth podcast. I am so excited to welcome Emily Whalen, a sweet mama, content creator, and someone I had the honor of serving as her doula. You might know her from Instagram as Nurtured Little Nest, where she shares about slow living motherhood and how Jesus truly transforms our minds and hearts. Her story is powerful and full of grace from navigating mental health diagnoses to walking through pregnancy, birth, and postpartum with faith and intention. Thank you so much for being here and being willing to share your heart with us today.
Emily: Hi. Thank you for having me.
Host: Well, let's start from the beginning. What was your journey like to becoming pregnant?
Emily: Well, this is probably a longer than expected story, but I guess I'll start with dating and getting married to my husband because that's how it goes. So we got engaged when I was 19 and we got married when I was 20 in the year 2019, right before Covid. So it worked out. But shortly after we got married, my husband went off to basic training for the Army and was gone pretty much for the entirety of the major shutdowns and everything. So we had pretty much no contact because if you know anything about basic training or the Army, you send letters to each other pretty much, and that's it. So it was very interesting.
And during that time I started having a lot of mental health symptoms. To make a very long story short, I ended up getting diagnosed with OCD and bipolar disorder, which looking at my family, it's not surprising. It's one of those things that you don't think about until it's happening to you. So I was just going off the rails. I was drinking a lot. I didn't have any accountability. My husband wasn't home. And it was just a really hard time.
And when he came home, he had had a hard time. I had had a hard time and we together were having a hard time. So we moved in with my in-laws for a while. I think we lived with them for a year and a half. And we finally, we'd both been to therapy. I was taking some medication that was really working and we decided to move out. We got an apartment and shortly after that I got pregnant.
And it's really funny because I did not think I could. I was on medicine that I shouldn't have been able to. I had taken birth control for years and years and years and I was like, oh, surely I'm gonna have a problem getting pregnant, right? And it was funny because I was being really emotional about something and my husband was like, "What if you're pregnant?" I was like, "No, I'm not. No, I'm not pregnant."
And then I went to the store and a Taylor Swift song made me cry randomly in Target and I was like, "Ooh, maybe I should buy a test." So I did. And sure enough, there was no question I was pregnant and I called my husband who was at work. He is a law enforcement officer. He was standing in the jail. He had just arrested somebody and he picked up the phone and I was sobbing, like I couldn't get any words out. And he goes, "Okay, either the dog died or you're pregnant." I was like, "The dog didn't die," and he was like, "Oh my gosh." There's the whole thing. It was awesome.
Natalie: I love that story. You so much. That is hilarious, Emily.
Emily: Yeah, it's pretty good. All of his cop friends were with him. They were all cheering. It was great.
Natalie: That's so sweet. That is incredible. You know, isn't it so surprising when you do get pregnant, when you expect that it's gonna take a while? Which I think that is a healthy mindset to have because most women don't get pregnant right out the gate. And so that was the Lord's story for you guys. I love that. So then how was your pregnancy overall? How did you prepare for that emotionally, spiritually, and practically?
Emily: So I... have you heard of the type A, type B, type C people? I'm very type C where I'm very particular about a lot of things and there's certain things I just don't care about as much. So when I found out I was pregnant, I was like, "Oh, I have to do everything perfect, right? Like it's gonna have to be perfect."
So I found the best OB-GYN I could find, and I was reading all these books and doing all these things and really I think I was asking the wrong questions because I was more worried about my baby, right? Obviously you're so worried about what's going on. I had been taking medication I had to get off of which was so uncomfortable. I did not love that. So I was extremely nauseous from that, but also from pregnancy and my husband and I joke that I just threw up for I feel like nine months. I just kept throwing up and I know so many people are probably like, "Yep," because it's so common.
But yeah, I just really was focused on what I could do for my baby and not what I could do for me. And it's not that I regret that, but I feel like I could have had an easier time if I had looked into things like, okay, how can I take care of myself right now? So looking back, if I could go back, I'd be like, "Please eat something besides Chick-fil-A" because I just know that was probably part of what was making me sick is I was not eating good food. I wasn't eating enough protein probably.
It was interesting. I loved being pregnant. I loved feeling my baby. I loved that aspect of it. I did not love being really ill all the time. Also, I did not love the end, which everyone says that, right? But I got really, really swollen and it was very difficult for me to just live every day. I was working at Eleven22 at the time, and I was walking around on Sundays and the sweet old ladies and stuff were like, "Are you okay?" I was like, "No, I'm not. I'm really pregnant." But yeah, I would go back and be like, "Please, eat a steak or something," you know.
Natalie: I know it is incredible how, especially that first trimester, you have to give yourself a lot of grace when you're that sick to just eat whatever you can physically tolerate. And then when you do start feeling a little more normal to just prioritize the things that you know you need to eat. I always recommend this incredible book called Real Food for Pregnancy by Lily Nichols. It is so good. I'll put that book in the show notes, but that one's an incredible read because it does talk about the changes in your body's needs when you're pregnant.
And what's interesting too is we're told things like never eat sushi and certain weird pregnancy things that actually aren't true. If you're getting sushi from a reputable place, that's actually really good for your body because raw fish has more selenium in it. And I craved poke bowls and raw sushi like no one's business when I was pregnant. So I think trying to listen to your body a little bit more and instead of just giving it random things, being more intentional, but also not being so hard on yourself. So don't beat yourself up so hard, Emily, because you know you were doing the best you could, especially that first time when it's just a whirlwind. It can really be such a whirlwind that first time, especially.
Emily: It definitely was, and it's funny because I eat so different now that I'm not pregnant. I haven't been to a fast food restaurant probably since I was pregnant. My son's almost two. So it's just one of those things where you're like, "Oh."
Natalie: Yes, I know I changed my diet big time. When I was pregnant with Daniel, I had really bad eczema on my hands. It was kind of other places, but really bad on my hands to the point where I would be up at night scratching the skin on my hands and it would always be worse at night when you're warmer. And so I don't know, it was weird, but I was looking more into how maybe diet could be affecting that because you obviously can't take steroids and stuff like that, like creams that I would have normally probably turned to.
I eliminated gluten, dairy, and eggs. Just cold turkey, just eliminated it and it straight up healed completely my eczema. I had so many other benefits, like my joints were feeling better, I swelled way less that pregnancy. And so just comparing the two pregnancies where the first one, I wasn't eating horribly, but I also wasn't eating great to eating much cleaner that second pregnancy, it did make a huge difference. But give yourself grace on that.
And I think it's one of those things where because it is such a big life shift to change your diet, you kind of have to slowly make shifts. Very few people can just do what I did where I was like, "Oh, cold turkey, one day I'm just not eating those things anymore." But most of us need to have that slow change so that it's more sustainable and we can make lasting changes for our health.
Emily: Definitely. Now that I'm on this side of it, that's what I had to do. It started when I was giving my son solids for the first time, mostly because I'm giving him avocados and chicken and beef and all these things. And I'm sitting here eating a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup and he reached out for it. And I was like, "Oh, I'm not feeding you that. You're not eating that." And in my mind, I just had the Holy Spirit say, "If you wouldn't feed your kid that, then why are you eating it?" And I was like, "Oh, I better stop" and it sent me down the rabbit hole.
Natalie: You do, you look at what you're feeding your child and you're like, "If I put in this much intention in what I'm feeding them, I also need to be intentional about what I'm feeding myself," because our body is a temple and I think it definitely can become idolatry if we take it way too far and we have all these restrictions and it becomes this self worship. But I think there is a very healthy God-honoring way to approach every aspect of your life, and especially something like the way that you're literally nourishing your body every single day, or not nourishing your body every single day.
Emily: Yeah, it's definitely interesting. My husband's doing it now. His eczema's gone also, so it's really great. I'm looking forward to the next pregnancy to be eating better and just wonder, compare the difference, like you said.
Natalie: It's gonna be a huge difference, I can tell you that. So how else did you kind of prepare for that pregnancy emotionally and more practically?
Emily: Emotionally, I just talked to women who had been pregnant. I talked to family members, which everyone's family's different. Mine weren't so positive, but members of the church and people just around me, moms already who had young kids, moms whose kids were grown and just kind of like, "What would you do different or what did you do that you liked?"
And again, I read a ton of books. A lot of books. Not all of them were helpful, but one of them that I read was Ina May's Guide to Childbirth.
Natalie: That one was a complete game changer for me. I will also put that in the show notes. That book is what convinced me to even attempt an unmedicated birth.
Emily: Yes, because it totally reframed for me the intensity of labor and birth. And I had never heard that before. Really. I kind of resolved at the beginning of my pregnancy with my first, with Ellie, like, "Oh, I'm definitely gonna get an epidural. Yeah, there's no medal for going unmedicated." And I'm not saying you get a medal for going unmedicated, but I just didn't see any sort of value with even attempting that. And so that's so crazy that that was the book that changed your mind too because it's really powerful. The things that we tell ourselves, you know, that mindset, and I think that book is really great at helping prepare your mindset.
Your mindset dictates everything. I always say my sister and my husband, they get so annoyed with me, but it's true. I say, "Don't say anything out loud that you don't want to be true," because anything you say, your brain hears it. Anything you tell yourself, your brain hears it. And whether you consciously believe it or not, subconsciously it's in there. So if you believe, "Oh, I'm gonna get an epidural, I'm gonna be in pain, I'm gonna have all these negative things," that's probably what's gonna happen.
And my husband, I love him so much and I love how right he is about most things. He really is. He's right about most things. I just usually don't like the way he says it, but he really is so smart and so right, but he was like, "Emily, I think you're gonna need an epidural. Why would you do that? I've seen people give birth." He used to be an ER tech at Shands. He's like, "I've seen people give birth. Why would you try it without it?" And I was like, "This sounds like a challenge now, so now I have to do it."
Really the benefits once you understand them are kind of amazing because if you look into the epidural and what it does and the things you need after that, like Pitocin, I didn't have any of those things. And immediately after my baby was born, I had all feeling everywhere. Yes, I felt all of the negative, but I also felt all of the positive. Nothing in my experience was blocked because of a pharmaceutical. I also have friends who have really bad back pain still from their epidural that has never gone away.
And honestly, I was more afraid of that and the needle that they put in you than any pain I was gonna face because I've always had a thing about needles and that was like the nail in the coffin for me. So you cannot come near me with that thing.
Natalie: Yeah. And I think sometimes we can oversimplify certain interventions. I feel like the epidural can certainly have its time and its place. I have seen many times where I feel like mom was having a really intense, long, drawn out labor and that epidural was able to kind of preserve her strength to get her to the finish line and have a vaginal delivery that she really wanted. But I also can see how if we resolve without really investigating the benefits and the risks of certain interventions, and epidural is certainly an intervention, then we can just fall into a cycle. Or like a cascade of interventions is what we call it in the birth world where one intervention leads to another, leads to another, leads to another. Many times an epidural can be like that first domino that falls. And again, this is not to say that every single time that happens, it's weighing the risks and the benefits and just having that knowledge base to have another option.
The other thing that's really interesting is depending on how quickly you go into labor and have your baby, sometimes you don't have time for an epidural and it's very wise to know how you might cope if you don't even get the opportunity to get an epidural. Because I think that's the other thing you can fall into is thinking, "Oh, well I'm getting an epidural so I don't need to learn how to cope with early labor or anything like that." Well, there's gonna be some time where you will be experiencing unmedicated contractions. You know, unless you have a planned C-section, there's a good chance that you will experience labor contractions, even if the plan is to get an epidural. So yeah, I agree with that. So let's dive into your birth story. How far along were you when you started? And then just go through as much detail as you want of that story.
Emily: Yeah, so I was having random contractions for a week and I was sitting at four centimeters dilated the whole time. It was so unpleasant. I kept joking, I was like, "He's gonna fall out. He's just so low." And there was just pressure. But I just had to live my life that way for a week. And I was like, "What are we doing?"
So the night that I went into labor, Josh was sitting there on the phone with his sergeant. He was like, "Emily, am I taking off work tonight? Or what? What's going on?" I was like, I couldn't tell you. So I just started walking my dog around the block and my dog is a golden retriever and he is very lazy, low energy golden retriever. So once we did one lap, he was like, "What are we doing?" It's like, "Come on Boone, I'm trying to walk this baby out. Okay?" I'm dragging him down the sidewalk.
So finally we get back. I'm like, "This isn't gonna happen." I'm texting you and you're like, "Just go relax. Just go sit down and see what happens. Just give it time." So I'm sitting there and I'm trying to read a book and I can't focus on anything and I'm having contractions and Josh is asking me again like, "Am I going to work?" His sergeant gave him delay and time to, it was just so stressful for me because I felt so bad for everyone. I was like, "I don't know."
But finally I was like, "Oh wait, I think I'm having contractions. Like for real." And to me, I've always had really bad periods, so I was like, "Is this just a cramp? What is this? I don't know," because my cramps have always been bad. So I'm just laying there and you are telling me to eat things. You're like, "Go eat something just in case. Eat some food because once you get to the hospital, they're not gonna let you eat." So Josh ordered a pizza for me and I ate quite a bit of it.
And my contractions started picking up and I'm trying to ignore it because I'm like, "No, surely it's not happening today. I don't wanna get my hopes up," right? And finally, I texted you and I was like, "Yeah, they're however many minutes apart." And you're like, "Okay, well I'll come over and the goal will be to stay at home for as long as possible."
And I remember throwing up right when you got to my house, all the pizza I had just eaten just came back up. And I was so frustrated. But you're like, "No, that's good. It means things are moving." And I was like, "Okay, whatever you say." But yeah, we went to the hospital after that. And I remember the car ride. Josh was just like, "Are you okay? Are you okay?" The whole time I was like, "Can you just drive? Can you just go? I'm fine."
And it was about midnight, so we get there and I did not like the check-in because I had to be by myself. It was the worst part. So I was just trying to be calm. My whole goal was to just be calm the whole time. I just wanted to be present and peaceful and not get stressed because I knew once I got amped up, it would be really hard for me to bring it down. So they're asking me all these questions and I'm like, "Okay, sure. Here's what I can remember right now. I'm having a contraction, so I hope I'm telling you the right thing."
And I remember sitting in the room and I was really chill because I was purposefully being chill. And she's like, "I don't know, I don't think you're going into labor right now. You're too calm." And I was like, "Okay." And then she's like, "We'll check you and see what happens." And I was like, "Okay, hope I don't have to go back home. How embarrassing would that be?" But she checked me and I was at six centimeters and she was like, "Wow, you were so calm. You did not seem like you were at six centimeters." I was like, "I'm trying really hard."
So they got me all checked in, changed. I barely remember it at that point because I was so focused on just trying to get into the room and just focus. So finally we get there and we had some sweet nurses. I remember this one that was blonde and she was really just listening to the things I wanted and being calm. And I also remember being annoyed about having to be in a hospital. For my next child, we'll probably give birth in a birth center or at home or something.
But for the first one, since Josh had worked in a hospital and had seen things, he was like, "I just really want you to be there in case something goes wrong." Fair enough. So I remember being annoyed about that because they're strapping things to me and sticking an IV in me and all this stuff. And I'm like, "I don't... this is not helping." But once that was going and I was really getting into labor, I remember being so nauseous and you were waving essential oils in my face for me, which was so good. And I tell everyone about that. I'm like, "Get somebody to do that," because it was very helpful.
And I remember Josh putting, or maybe you put on my worship playlist, somebody did. And at the height of my contractions, that song by Chris Tomlin, "Holy Forever" came on. I cannot listen to that song in church because I just weep. Just remembering the birth, because I was getting to a point where I was getting tired and that song came on and I just was like, "All right, everything's gonna be okay. God is with me."
And I was breathing and you kept telling me to unclench my jaw, which is so funny because I have really bad TMJ and clench my jaw all the time. But I was like, "Okay, yep. I'm gonna unclench my jaw here to just be relaxed." And I remember having contractions and I think I said one time, "Oh, that was a good one." And one of the nurses looked at me. She was like, "Girl," because I had no pain medicine. I had nothing at that point.
And then I remember we got to the pushing and I just felt like, "Okay, now it's time," but I also don't know if I feel ready. I was kind of just in this limbo, but the nurses and everybody was saying it was time. So I was like, "Okay, it's time. What do I know?" Right? But looking back, I should have been more in tune with what my body was telling me because my son was sunny side up, he was not the right way, even though at his last ultrasound he was in the perfect position. For some reason, he flipped on the way down.
And I remember you telling me that I would feel a lot of back pain if that had happened. So I was not feeling a lot of back pain, surprisingly, and so I did not think that that was what was going on. But I do remember feeling like he wasn't moving, like he wasn't going anywhere. And I was pushing and pushing and I was like, "He is not going anywhere."
And they had tried to check me several times and I had declined it. And I think I told you he's not moving. And you were like, "All right, let's get you checked because that's a big deal." So they checked him and he was sunny side up. And I remember the doctor looking at me and saying, "So you can push for a few more minutes and then we can do a c-section."
And I remember you, you were like, "No," and praise God, because I was just like, "What? No, I don't wanna do a c-section. What are you talking about?" And I remember you asking her, "Can you flip him?" And she was like, "Well, I can try, but you're gonna feel the whole thing." And I was like, "I don't care. Just do it." So she did, she just stuck her hand in there and gave him a little spin. And 20 minutes later I pushed out my beautiful little boy who just needed some help with directions on the way out.
Natalie: I know those little stinkers, I mean they do, they flip in labor, which is great if your baby is sunny side up to begin with or like OP, then they can rotate into a more favorable position. But it's not impossible to push out a baby if they're sunny side up. I actually have had clients that literally deliver the baby the opposite way they're supposed to be. It's more challenging because they're basically trying to navigate the pelvis backwards and so it's more work for mama and baby, but yeah, it's one of those things where at that point I had seen other providers flip a baby before, like in that exact situation. We're pushing, they reach their hand inside and they flip the baby. And so I was like, "Hey, can you do that, can you try?" Because what else do we have to lose besides more time of you pushing and potentially a cesarean delivery, which we all didn't want for you, so. Thank God that provider was willing to do that and was successful in doing that because yeah, it was like as soon as that happened, he was right there.
Emily: It really is because I remember being like, "I can't do this anymore. I cannot keep going." I did end up on my back somehow, which I had intended not to, but I think it was really just because I was so tired that I couldn't keep standing anymore, like upwards. And I was watching videos that you took in preparation to talk about it. And in the video I go, "Oh, I'm ready for a nap."
Natalie: And I actually do have clients that nap in between pushing, they'll literally just doze off between pushes and then wake up and start pushing and then go right back to sleep. That's a thing too.
Emily: I wish I could have done that. That sounds delightful.
Natalie: But what was it like when he was actually born? Do you remember that feeling of him actually being born?
Emily: I do. And I remember, I said some swear words.
Natalie: I was like, "Girl, it is okay." It's all good. It is intense.
Emily: It was so intense and the feeling of him actually being placed on my chest is almost, it's indescribable how much of an immediate connection that I just instantly had with him. And I have worked in childcare and in preschools, and I was a nanny for a long time. So I know a lot about kids. And they always say when it's your own, it's different. It really is because the minute he came out, I was like, "I would do anything for you, literally anything." And what did he do? He just breathed once, and I was like, "Yep. I'm gonna just change everything about my life for you."
And I feel like God really does that on purpose because I did not have a clear understanding of his love for me until I had my own child. It used to baffle me like God sent his son. Jesus was looking at me on the cross and was delighted in that, that he was saving me. How? Right? Like how is that possible? And now that I have a child and God's supernatural love is coming through me to my child, I can understand more of what that's like because I cannot consider a situation where I wouldn't do anything for him. You know?
So I think it's just something women uniquely get access to because my husband absolutely has that connection, but he did not push him out, right? He doesn't have the same experience. Nursing a baby for however long and you know, labor and just all of the things that are really God's design because that is such an intense time and it's so much effort and being able to experience it and feel all the things through it and really focus on what God teaches you in that is really unique, and I think that's a lot of how God sanctifies us is through birth and becoming a mother, because I did not know how selfish I was until I became a mom.
And just like everything in life, your mindset about it is a hundred percent what your reality is going to be. So when I was freshly postpartum, I was like, "Nothing about me is gonna change. I am not gonna let motherhood be my identity." Like all these things that the world tells you, right? So I was just like, "I'm going to be myself. I'm going to keep my job, I'm going to do all the things I like to do and I'll have a baby," right? Delusion.
About three months into my job and having a newborn. But three months into it, I was like, "I can't do this. This is not for me. I don't need a job. This is my job now." And I remember talking to my husband about it and he was like, "Well, yeah, just stay home." I was like, "Wait, what?" I was expecting pushback, you know? He was like, "No, he is your life now. That's totally fine. If that's what you want to do, then you should do it."
So we took a, not a huge financial hit. It's not like I was making a lot, but we took that and I started staying home and I was home all day with him. And it's one of those things where your identity, you can go a little nuts if you don't find something to do, you know? So I had to really learn how to give myself when I don't want to and not on my schedule, how to pour out into this child who needs me. And he was not a good sleeper, so we were very tired a lot. He would just wake up all the time looking for me, which is not a bad thing. We just wouldn't sleep longer than three hours. So it was not ideal.
And I started making shifts because I was getting burnt out and I was feeling like, "Why do I not like this? Why am I feeling stuck? Why don't I enjoy this? This is my child. I get one time being his mom and I'm not." I would have FOMO almost about my own life because I was missing out because I was miserable. And I was miserable because I wasn't, I was resisting the change. I was resisting letting God sanctify me through motherhood. And once I realized that, that my life is going to look different.
Directly. How you feel about it is based on your mindset and how much joy you experience is based on what you're willing to take in, right? Like there's joyful things around you every day, everywhere. Do you take them in? Right. So I am watching my son take his first steps and I am watching him eat food and learn words and I taught him baby sign language and I'm very type A, so I was very into it. So he knows a lot. And so I'm talking to him in sign language and I'm watching him in his little brain just going, those are all really joyful moments. And for me, half the time they were being shadowed by, "Oh, there's dishes in my sink," or, "Oh, the dog tracked dirt all over my house and I'm stepping on it." Right? Like just the very specific things that bother you.
And so having to learn that letting go is okay and that perfection is not the goal, even though that's always what I've strived for my whole life was perfection is literally never going to happen. Jesus is the only one that could do that. Choosing to be present in the one thing I'm doing and not thinking about all the others, which is so hard. It's way easier to say that than it is to do it, but it's really been helpful. I feel like in the last year, it's helpful that I don't have postpartum hormones raging anymore, but also it's helpful that I've made the intentional shift to tell myself positive things.
I tell myself positive things about everything, even when it's annoying. Like today, for example, my neighbor's backyard has a situation happening over there that we are unaware of, but there is a hoard of flies that come over to our house from his side. I have no idea what's going on over there. His backyard looks like a jungle. He's very old. Maybe something has deceased back there. I don't know. But this happens in this house every springtime. I don't know why. And it's only our little section anyway.
So there's flies flying into my house, which I cannot stand. My dog and my son have tracked like an actual sandbox across my floor. And then the dishes were piled up and we're going on a trip tomorrow. So I'm packing and things are everywhere. And I just had this impending sense of like, "I think I'm gonna lose my mind," right? And I just took a minute and I sat down with my son and I looked at him and I said, "Mommy is having a very hard time being home right now."
And I was like, "Well," and we do this thing where I'm like, "Will you help me take deep breaths?" He thinks it's hilarious. Really, I actually need it. So he is like, we do this big arm motion and we breathe a lot, and then I usually end up tickling him or something to get out of it. And the whole time I'm usually praying and asking for patience or maybe crying or something, you know, because it can be really hard and I feel like when I talk to people about how I've changed my mindset, that doesn't mean it's perfect, and that doesn't mean I do it right every time.
But in those moments that feel really, really hard, it's about what you do then. So do you tell yourself, "Yeah, this is gonna ruin my whole day. I am just gonna be so annoyed all day because of this situation and we'll just try again tomorrow." Or are you gonna tell yourself, like today I said, "I'm gonna vacuum the floor and I'm gonna get the fly water. And then we're gonna color and play a game, and it's gonna be great." You know, like you just tackle the things one by one and move on, because otherwise you just dwell and it's such a downer. So all of that to say, I think that has been the most healing part for me about being a mom is just letting life happen, you know? Trying not to make it perfect because you're right, this side of heaven, we will not experience perfection.
Natalie: It's not until Jesus comes and the new heavens and the new Earth is established, that we will experience that perfection we long for. But here, especially as a world that is just so micro and macro level just infiltrated by sin and brokenness, and that includes birth and that includes being a mom to our sinful children like we are. We cannot be perfect right now and when we expect that of ourselves, it does, it sets us off mentally to just stew in that, or at least I'll speak for myself for that. I know that I can just stew in my imperfections and it just makes me wanna give up. But I think it's so healthy to find new ways, like you're describing, to just refocus, to go to the Lord. To seek him when you are just completely at your wit's end and kids will bring you there every day. There is not a day that goes by with my kids where I don't get to a point where I'm like, "Lord, please help me because I cannot have this argument again about the underwear you're wearing or whatever.
Every day it's a battle. But that's what's so beautiful about this journey that I've seen from so many other women is that it is a very sanctifying season because it's so difficult. You know, scripture says the Lord is near to the broken hearted. And not to say that motherhood makes us broken hearted, but we are constantly dealing with ourselves, like just a rawness of ourselves and the rawness of our children and their emotions and their sin and just their selfishness. We face it every single day. And so I love that you shared that and even shared that way of calming down. I need to give that one a try. But that's beautiful. Is that also how you got started with doing Nurtured Little Nest? Give me some insight into how that formed.
Emily: Yeah, so I actually started my page around the time my son was six months old. And I posted for a year with nothing. I think I had like 80 followers the whole time, and some of them were like robots, you know? And so I just started it as a way to document what I was learning because you consume so much on your phone all the time, and I would get ideas.
I was like, somebody around the world would benefit from hearing that. And so I would just make it into a little reel or whatever, and I knew that maybe nothing would ever happen, right? Like it's just for me. And I think people that set out to be viral or to be famous or whatever, I think that's the wrong attitude about it.
Because I've had a couple videos do well. Like I've had one hit in the millions or something, but my life didn't change. You know what I mean? I still live my life. It doesn't really look different. It's just been a way to build a community with other moms who are like-minded to me. So I have some moms that also share on their own pages. I have some that don't share anything. But group chats have happened. We've had discussions. I've been able to help people with things I've learned. I've had people give me advice. It's just been something that has really blessed me in a way that I wasn't fully expecting.
And I started it kind of hoping that's what would happen. It's just been so rewarding to share things that I learned. I've always been somebody who likes to teach things and I thought I was going to be a teacher, and then I hated school, so I was like, why would I go back to school? You know? So it's been really cool just to teach people things that I've learned about motherhood, about anything.
In fact, I got a text from my husband last night. One of his coworkers recognized him from one of my reels. He said, "My wife just sent me this. Is that you?" He was like, "I recognized you." And Josh was like, "Yeah, that's my wife's Instagram." And he was like, "Well, tell her she made a great reel that made my wife feel encouraged about her birth because she's giving birth in June." And I was just like, that's the whole point. That's why I started it because I want to encourage and inspire other women to combat the lies that the world tells us. Because the world tells us that motherhood is awful. It's a trap that you're a victim, that you should resent your spouse, that your kids are terrible.
Just all these negative things that really, when you tune that out, are not true. They're just not true, and you can convince yourself of anything. So when you let all the negative pour in, of course you feel like you don't like your spouse because other people don't and they're telling you about it, right?
So just like who you hang out with, you become what you consume on social media, you become. And I just felt like I needed to add something positive to the line of fire that you get every time you open your phone.
Natalie: Yes. That is so good, Emily. And it's so true. I think there is an aspect of self-fulfilling prophecies. And you're right, the power of the tongue literally manifests reality. And the same with even just really negative thoughts because if you think about it, when you have a negative thought, like one that I still struggle with, but one that I struggle with less is this mentality of "I'm such a bad mom" or something to that effect. And if you entertain that and ruminate on that, it becomes your reality.
Instead you can be transformed by the renewing of your mind. And you can take the word of God and you can say, "Not perfect, but God doesn't require perfection of me. He would not have given me these children if he had not called and equipped me to be this child's mom." And just speaking that truth and having community to speak into you and encourage you through the tough times, because even being a couple years postpartum, it's hard to remember all that really took place during that time.
And so when you're walking through a very particular season with another mom who is literally in the trenches at that exact same time as you, there is so much encouragement in that because we do forget a lot. We just can't remember how hard it was, certain aspects of our parenting and motherhood journey. So I love that you are that for so many mamas. That's incredible.
Emily: Thank you. Yeah, I just was one day really led to just start posting and I was like, "You know what? I don't even care if this is embarrassing. I just have stuff to say and nobody to say it to, so I'm gonna post it."
Natalie: Well, I love it. I'm so glad you did and that you just listened to what the Lord was whispering to you and just encouraged you in that. So if someone wants to connect with you, is following you on Instagram the best way to do it?
Emily: Yeah. I have Instagram, I have TikTok, and I am slowly building a YouTube. It feels like a lot of pressure, but I have one so you can follow me there too. It's all the same username.
Natalie: Awesome. Thank you so much for coming on and sharing your story and sharing a little bit more about what you've been up to. I loved attending your birth. It was incredible and just so powerful, and I also still cry at that song "Holy Forever." It was such a powerful song. Oh my goodness.
Emily: It really is.
Natalie: Good. Well, thank you again. I appreciate you.
