My Preterm Birth Story, a Hidden Abruption, and The Lord's Perfect Provision
Hey sweet friend, welcome back! Today I'm pulling back the curtain on one of the most sacred, surprising, and faith-stretching days of my life — the story of how my son Isaac came into this world seven weeks early. If you've ever had a plan completely fall apart and found yourself asking, "Lord, where are you in this?" — this one is for you.
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When a Girls' Weekend Became Something Else Entirely
It was January 24th — the day I officially hit 33 weeks pregnant with my third baby, Isaac. Since this was my third pregnancy and I was having another boy, I decided to skip the traditional baby shower. Instead, I asked my mom and two sisters to do what we call a "Mama & Chickies weekend" — a low-key getaway at a hotel and spa about 30 minutes from Jacksonville.
Friday night we went out to dinner, got all dressed up, and had the best time. Saturday morning we ran to Starbucks, grabbed coffee and breakfast, and headed to the spa around 9:30am. I had been noticing some low back pain all morning, but I honestly chalked it up to sleeping weird in a hotel bed.
We got settled near the hot tub and I grabbed the most delicious grilled chicken salad from the little café — plus some chocolate-covered strawberries from the sweet man working the counter (God bless him). I had my feet in the hot tub, sipping fancy cucumber lemon spa water, and feeling genuinely nourished and peaceful.
But then I started noticing something.
"These Are Probably Just Braxton Hicks..." (Famous Last Words)
Throughout this entire pregnancy, I'd been having intense Braxton Hicks contractions — more so than with either of my previous pregnancies. So when I started feeling contractions that morning, I wasn't immediately alarmed. Probably just Braxton Hicks. I'm hydrated, I'm fed, I'm fine.
We moved inside to the spa's lounge area — this gorgeous, cozy space with low lighting, essential oils, and those little cloud-like lounge beds — and I decided to rest. As I lay there, I realized I could actually feel the start, peak, and end of each contraction. On a whim, I opened my contraction timer app to time them to see what the pattern was.
They were coming every five to six minutes.
I texted my midwife Rebecca to give her a heads up. I started needing to use the bathroom more frequently — something I'd noticed at the start of both of my other labors. And deep down, something in me knew I was feeling different. But I was not ready to say the word out loud.
We decided to head back to our room, pack up, and go to lunch.
Complete and Utter Denial (Bless My Heart)
By the time we sat down at the restaurant around 1:30pm, things were absolutely not slowing down. But I was still in complete and total denial. My younger sister Stephanie — who had been present at both of my previous births — looked at me and said, "Natalie. I have seen you labor twice. This is not just Braxton Hicks."
I called Brian and told him I was going to head to Memorial Hospital just to get checked out — no big deal, probably nothing. Then I called my doula partner Kahla and filled her in. We were probably overreacting. Probably.
And then, mid-meal, I felt the next contraction come over me — and I started to realize this wasn’t a warm up. I got a little teary as I stared at the TV on the restaurant wall, and my mom and sisters saw it on my face immediately. They flagged down our waitress: "Can we get our food to go? We think she might be in labor."
My sister took my keys. She was driving.
Arriving at Memorial — and Feeling the Lord Draw Close
We pulled into Memorial Hospital around 3pm. I chose this hospital specifically — even though it's not the closest to my home — because as a doula, I've had the privilege of attending births there many times. I know the nurses. I love the nurses. And this hospital is home to both the hospitalist midwife group Diana Health and Full Circle Women's Care, my absolute favorite OB-GYN practice in Jacksonville. I had actually established care with Full Circle early in my pregnancy, so I held onto a small hope that they might be able to take me on.
Once I was hooked up to the monitors, Isaac's heart rate looked perfect. The contractions were registering every three to five minutes. The midwife on staff decided to start a bag of fluids and check my urine before doing a cervical check, since she didn't want to potentially accelerate things if I was truly in preterm labor.
Then Brian arrived with our older kids, Ellie and Daniel — and in the most beautiful, perfectly mom moment, my contractions spaced way out the second those kids climbed into the hospital bed with me. My body literally shifted into "mom mode."
Once they left with my mom, the contractions came right back — every three minutes.
When the midwife finally checked me, I was already two centimeters dilated, 80% effaced, and Isaac was at negative two station. For 33 weeks pregnant, that was absolutely indicative of labor.
"We're going to go ahead and admit you."
And just like that — it all came crashing down.
Shock, Grief, and Then — Peace That Passed All Understanding
How was I going into preterm labor? This was my healthiest pregnancy by far. No bleeding. No complications. No risk factors. Just completely, totally, inexplicably happening.
I texted my birth team — My doulas Kahla and Trish, my sisters, our birth photographer Erin, and Rebecca my midwife — and let them know I was being admitted.
And the responses came flooding in. We're praying, Nat. God's got this.
And then something happened that I don't have words to fully describe. In the middle of the shock, in the middle of grieving the home birth I had planned, but more so the concern for Isaac’s safety, the Lord's presence wrapped around me — tangibly. Physically. I had a peace that I could not manufacture and could not explain. I just knew we were going to be okay.
Throughout this entire pregnancy, the phrase the Lord kept bringing to my heart was simply: I will provide. In that hospital room, I clung to it.
One of the first provisions became immediately clear: I asked if there was any chance I could be under Full Circle Women's Care, and they called Dr. Adams — the owner of the practice. She just happened to be on call that weekend. She was already there. And she graciously took me on.
The Lord was already working.
Magnesium, Steroids, and Fighting Against My Own Body
Dr. Adams's plan was to start magnesium to try to slow labor and buy enough time to get a round of steroids into Isaac's system for lung development. Kahla and I talked through a few options, but ultimately we all agreed — magnesium was the right call.
Around 6:15pm, I received the steroid shot. Before starting the magnesium — knowing I'd be bed-bound for hours — I asked if I could hop in the shower first. And here's one of those small, sweet provisions the Lord had tucked away: because I had come straight from my girls' trip, I had my entire bag packed. Toiletries, everything. Ready to go.
He knew I'd need it.
Once the magnesium started a little before 9pm, I braced for the flu-like symptoms I'd heard could accompany it. By the grace of God, they never came. I felt warm and drowsy, but nothing more. And then — the contractions picked up anyway.
The train had officially left the station.
What made this labor uniquely hard was that I was actively fighting my body instead of surrendering to it. As a doula, every instinct in me was screaming to change positions, breathe into the contractions, relax fully. But I was intentionally resisting progress to give Isaac every possible minute with that steroid in my system. It made the labor more physically intense and mentally exhausting in a way I've never experienced.
My cervix told the story:
Just after 5:00 PM → 2 centimeters
Around 8:45 PM → 3 to 4 centimeters
Only a few hours later → 6 centimeters
"Even a Doula Needs a Doula"
Around 11:40pm, I asked for the CUB — the Comfortable Upright Birthing pillow — and got on my knees to lean over it. Dr. Adams came in and gently teased me: "Wow, this doula needs a doula if she's asking for an epidural."
I told her it wasn't that I couldn't handle the pain. I couldn't handle the pain while simultaneously trying to rest and hold back labor. And she looked at me and said, plainly and kindly: "Natalie. You're going to have this baby."
That was the moment I finally let go.
I called my birth team in. By around one in the morning, my sisters, Kahla, Trish, and Erin were all at my side — and the difference was immediate and profound. They read my Christian Birth Affirmation Cards over me. Brian spoke Scripture and affirmations over me between contractions. They played my worship labor playlist, diffused essential oils, made my LMNT electrolyte drink, and reminded me — with words and with steady hands on my shoulders — to relax, to breathe, to surrender.
(A small note: I originally created those birth affirmation cards just for myself for this birth. I wanted affirmations rooted in Christ — not "I am enough" or "I am strong," but the truth that my strength comes from God alone. After experiencing how much they carried me through this labor, I knew I had to make them available for other mamas too. You can find them linked here.)
In between contractions, I was cracking jokes. I was singing along to the worship songs. Because the joy of the Lord was genuinely present in that room — even in the middle of something so hard and so unexpected. It was bittersweet and beautiful all at once.
"So Close" — And Then, He Was Here
Around 2:45am in the morning, I started lightly grunting through contractions. Dr. Adams told me to just give into it — to push if it felt right. The moment I did, I felt relief wash over me.
Before the final pushes, a funny little thought crossed my mind: my water has never broken on its own in any of my labors. What if Isaac was going to be born en caul — completely inside the intact amniotic sac? Dr. Adams said it was possible. He was small, I had a tough sac, and it would be incredibly rare and beautiful.
We watched the sac begin to bulge...and bulge...and then it burst everywhere — nearly all over Dr. Adams — and the whole room erupted in laughter.
"So close," I said.
But his head was right there. I composed myself, took a breath, and pushed.
At four pounds, seven ounces, Isaac entered the world at 3:03am on January 25th — crying.
Oh, that cry. I didn't know if a 33-weeker would have the strength to cry. When he did, I heard my sisters crying in the background, and there was instantly so much joy in that room. So much joy — and also grief. It was one of the most bittersweet moments of my life.
They placed him on my chest briefly. He was so little. And then the NICU nurse said it was time to take him, and Brian and I watched them take our son away.
The Discovery That Changed Everything
A short while later, I delivered the placenta — uneventfully, praise the Lord — and Dr. Adams paused.
"I'm seeing a lot of dark blood clots underneath this placenta. To me, this looks like you were having a concealed partial abruption."
A concealed abruption means the placenta was detaching from the uterine wall — with no external bleeding to signal that it was happening. I had no idea. No warning. No classic signs.
And here's what that means: if that placenta had fully detached, Isaac's lifeline would have been cut off. I would have been rushed into an emergency C-section. The outcome could have been devastating.
Instead — the Lord got him out safely. His heart rate was perfect for the entire labor. I had no tearing. And the baby who needed to come out because his placenta was quietly failing was delivered into a room full of worship music and prayer and the people I love most.
The magnesium didn't slow things down. And that was also the Lord's provision — because Isaac needed to come out.
He knew. He provided. Every single step.
Check out some of the birth photos taken by Erin Heuser Photographer LLC
📎 Resources Mentioned
✨ Christian Mama Birth Prep Library - Free birth prep tools, worship playlists & more
💕 Work with Me 1:1 – Virtual Doula Support & Schedule a Private Coaching Call
✝️ Online Christian Childbirth Education - Explore my complete birth preparation self-paced course
🎴 NEW Christian Birth Affirmation Cards: You can now purchase them here
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📄 Full Episode Transcript
Hello there, sweet friend, and welcome back to the podcast. Today's episode is one that's been a long time coming and I'm finally excited to share Isaac's birth story with you today. I'll be honest, it has been a little challenging trying to piece together all of the details from almost three months ago, which feels like an eternity ago, but then also just yesterday at the same time.
On this podcast, I do love to share stories where the birth doesn't go completely perfectly to plan. I love those types of stories because those are the stories where God tends to show off the most. And if you've heard my other birth stories at the beginning episodes of this podcast, you'll hear how straightforward they were — very uncomplicated, very textbook. But Isaac's birth story is not like that, and that is perfectly fine. The timing did not go the way we wanted, and the birth plan that we had went out the window, and yet God was so glorified in every single moment of it.
I did want to mention that I have birth photos from his birth, and so if you would like to see those, I'm going to include the link to the full blog post, which also serves as the full show notes for this episode. So if you go to the link in the show notes, you can find that there. But here we go — Isaac's birth story.
So I'll take us back to January 24th. I had just turned 33 weeks gestation for that pregnancy. And instead of doing a baby shower for this pregnancy — because this is my third, I was like, I don't really have anything that I need. I was having another boy, and I had all of Daniel's clothes for Isaac — I just felt like I don't need to have this big baby shower kind of a thing. And so instead I asked my mom and my two sisters, what if the four of us go to a hotel and do just like a low key — we call ourselves the Mama and Chickies — we'll just do a Mama Chickies weekend and then maybe like a spa day or something. And so there's this hotel and spa maybe 30 to 45 minutes away from where I live, and that's what we did.
So Friday night — that's when I officially turned 33 weeks — we went to dinner that night, got all dressed up, had a good time. And then the next morning we were going to go to the spa. We just wanted to hang out there — they had a hot tub and steam room and just like lounge around kind of a thing. So that morning we're trying to plan what time we're going to go to the spa. My mom and I ran out to Starbucks and grabbed some coffee and breakfast and stuff. And then around nine thirty we get to the spa, which is on the premises of the hotel.
I just was noticing all that morning that I was having some low back pain, and it was just a different kind of back pain. I thought maybe I slept weird in the hotel bed, because you know, I'm getting to that age where if I sleep wrong, I wake up not feeling great. So I thought maybe it was just that — just some low back pain from sleeping odd. And so we get to the spa around nine thirty and I am really hungry, which is really not uncommon for me. I'm always eating something. So I was like, let's grab some food from the little cafe they have right near the pool area.
And then we got in the hot tub and I had the most delicious snack. I was telling Brian, trying to remember exactly what I ate, and I could not remember, but it was like fresh fruit and maybe some chicken — maybe it was a salad. That's what it was. It was like a salad with grilled chicken and vegetables, and oh my gosh, it was so good. I was like, okay, I feel nourished, I'm hydrated. I was drinking like lemon water — like the fancy cucumber lemon water from the spa. I was feeling good, but I was just starting to have some contractions. And I'm like, this isn't super uncommon for me because I was having so many Braxton Hicks all throughout this pregnancy, and with each pregnancy it seemed like the Braxton Hicks came earlier and were more intense. So I'm like, okay, just having some Braxton Hicks this morning.
So we're just hanging out in the hot tub. I just had my feet in because obviously you can't be in a hot tub when you're pregnant. So I just had my feet in, eating my snack. And the guy who served the food at the cafe also gave me some chocolate covered strawberries, which I was like, God bless you, sir. That was really nice, just a sweet little treat.
And then we go inside and there's like this lounging area — it's mainly, I think, for people who are getting massages and other services. It's like the waiting area, but it has these little lounge beds and blankets, and it's just really comfy and cozy with low lighting and spa music and essential oils. It was just super chill. So I'm laying there and I'm like, I'm really tired, I'm just going to try to lay down and maybe take a little cat nap or something. And I'm laying there and I'm like, I could time these contractions. Like I could actually start feeling the start, the peak, and the end. So I'm like, let me just time them on my contraction timer app just for kicks and giggles, just to see what's going on, because they felt pretty consistent.
So I start timing them and they're coming every — I think it was like five to six minutes. And I was like, okay, I'm going to kind of start paying a little bit more attention to these instead of just thinking, oh, this is just normal Braxton Hicks. I also text my midwife and I'm just like, hey Rebecca, I'm starting to have some pretty consistent Braxton Hicks and I'm not sure if I need to be paying attention to them quite yet, but I just wanted to let you know. And she's like, okay yeah, keep me posted.
I'm also starting to have to go to the bathroom more. And I think I shared this in my other birth stories, but at the start of my other labors, I definitely needed to have a bowel movement consistently in the beginning of labor. So I'm going to the bathroom a lot and I can just kind of tell I'm feeling different. So we're just figuring out what we're going to do at that point, and we decided to head back to our room in the hotel, pack up, and go to lunch. And I'm like, okay, yeah, let's do that. I can still drive — I was the one driving all of us at this point.
We get to lunch around one thirty-ish and things are definitely not slowing down. I can definitely tell things are continuing to pick up, but to be completely honest, I was still in complete and utter denial that I was at all possibly in labor. It was not a possibility in my mind at this point. But my sister — my younger sister Stephanie — was like, Natalie, I have seen you labor twice now, and you are definitely showing more intense signs that this is something more than just Braxton Hicks. And I'm like, ah, I don't know, Stephanie. I think this is still just like, maybe I have a UTI or some other kind of underlying infection that's causing these. But like, I'm not in labor — there's just no way.
So I call Brian when we're at lunch and I'm just like, hey, just letting you know I am having these consistent contractions and I think I'm going to head to Memorial Hospital to just get checked out at labor and delivery. I don't know exactly what's happening, but I do feel like it warrants a trip to just check things out. And he's like, oh, okay. But at this point I'm still kind of playing it off in my mind like, nah, no big deal, we're just going to go see what's going on. So I call Brian, and then I also call Kahla, my doula and doula partner, and I'm just filling her in as well.
So we're sitting at lunch and things are starting to pick up even more. And I remember staring at the TV they had in the restaurant, just looking at it, and I can feel this next contraction coming over me and I start to get emotional. My eyes are starting to water because it's starting to really hit me — I could possibly actually be in labor right now. And my mom and sisters can see it on my face that I'm feeling different. So they're like telling the waitress, can we actually get our food to go? We think she's in labor. And the waitress is like, oh my gosh, yes of course. So they're quickly trying to get our food packed up so we can just leave. And my sister was like, I'm driving — you're not driving, I'll drive us to the hospital.
And granted, we're like 45 minutes away from the hospital because we're a little bit outside of Jacksonville. And I'm sitting in the car, still just a little bit in denial, but also slowly starting to come to terms with the fact that maybe, possibly, I am in labor. It was just slowly starting to feel a little bit more real.
So we get to Memorial Hospital around three o'clock PM. I am hooked up to the monitors to monitor Isaac's heart rate and to monitor the contractions. He's doing great — they get the heartbeat quickly. The contractions are reading, they're picking up on them, they're coming every three to five minutes. And they also decide to check my urine for a UTI or anything like that.
The reason I chose this hospital — and it's actually not the closest hospital to me — is because I'm a doula and I get to go to the different labor and deliveries here in town, and I adore this hospital. The nurses there are my favorite, and because it's a smaller hospital, I know the nurses. When I go to births I get to see the same faces. And also this hospital has a group of midwives that are the hospitalists, and then also Full Circle Women's Care. My favorite OB-GYN provider delivers at this hospital. So I was like, okay, if we go to Memorial, worst case scenario I'm going to be under the care of the hospitalists who are midwives. Or there's a chance I could get in with Full Circle because I did establish care with them when I first found out I was pregnant with Isaac. So I was like, we'll just see if they're able to take me on.
So I get to Memorial and the midwife who sees me is like, so we're going to check your urine and give you a bag of fluids just to see if that can rule out dehydration contractions. And I'm like, that's fine. And then I asked her, are you able to check me to see if my cervix is changing? And she said, let's try this first, because we don't want to check you if you are going into preterm labor, as it could possibly stir things up more and you could progress more quickly. I was like, okay, cool, that sounds great.
So at this point Brian and my kids Ellie and Daniel get there. The plan was for my mom to take the kids, and then Brian would stay with me. So the kids get in there and they actually do let them back in triage. And for the most part, the contractions did feel like they started to space out a lot more once the kids were there. I've had guests come on and share their birth stories, and it is very common when your older kids are around while you're in labor for the contractions to kind of space out — like your body just goes into okay, I'm in mom mode, not labor mode. And that was certainly the case here, where Ellie and Daniel were hanging out with me, sitting in bed with me, and things kind of fizzled out.
So then once they left, things really picked up. My contractions were coming every three or so minutes. And because things were still pretty consistent, the midwife was like, okay yeah, let's go ahead and check you and just see where you're at. And sure enough, I was already two centimeters, 80% effaced, and Isaac was at minus two station — negative two station, which is still in the inlet. But for me being only 33 weeks, having my cervix be so dilated and soft and all the things was definitely indicative that I was going into labor. And so they were like, yep, we're going to go ahead and admit you and we'll get you into your room.
And it all kind of came crashing down on me, just feeling like — how in the world are we here? How in the world am I going into labor at 33 weeks? I was having the most healthy pregnancy. I shared in my other birth stories how in the beginning of those pregnancies I had bleeding in the first trimester, and with Daniel I had a low lying placenta and just some other factors. But with Isaac's pregnancy, I was having a completely uneventful pregnancy. It was totally healthy, I was healthy, everything was fine. And so just the fact that I was going into preterm labor for seemingly no reason, with no risk factors — it was just beyond comprehension to me. I was in shock.
So I texted my birth team and I'm just like, hey everyone, I am in labor and I'm being admitted. Just letting you know. And my birth team consisted of Kahla, my doula and doula partner; Trish, another doula in my practice; my two sisters; my mom; our birth photographer Erin, who also did birth photography for Daniel's birth; and my midwife Rebecca. So I have all of us and Brian in a group chat and I'm just like, okay guys, please be praying for me because I am in labor right now. And of course they're all like, we're praying for you Nat, we're praying for Isaac, God's got this.
And I think after that initial shock, I realized okay, I'm in labor — and I also very quickly felt the Lord's presence just tangibly wrap around me. I don't really know how else to explain it other than that I just had a peace that truly passed all understanding. I just knew we were going to be okay. I knew I was going to be okay. I knew Isaac was going to be okay. I had a reassurance beyond what I could actually know about what would happen — that the Lord was going to sustain me, that he was going to provide for me. And that was the thing the Lord kept bringing to me throughout all of the pregnancy: I will provide. And so I clung to that and I believed that.
And so yes, I was simultaneously grieving the birth plan that was not going at all the way I wanted. The plan was to go into labor at home and have a home birth with a full term, healthy baby. Not to be going into labor at 33 weeks in a hospital with, honestly, I didn't even know who was going to be my provider at that point. It was really uncertain. But one of the ways the Lord was showing that he was providing was through Full Circle Women's Care. I didn't know if I would be able to go under their care or if I would stay under the care of the hospitalist group. And so I told them, hey, if there's any chance I can be under Full Circle's care, that would be my preference, but I'm totally fine with whatever needs to happen.
And so they did contact Dr. Adams. She's the owner of Full Circle Women's Care, and she happened to be on call that weekend. She was already there and would be the one to manage my care if I was under Full Circle's umbrella. And she graciously took me on. So I was a patient of Full Circle with Dr. Adams. And her plan, once I got admitted and all the things, was to start magnesium and see if that would slow down the labor enough for me to get a couple rounds of steroids for Isaac's lung development.
So I actually called Kahla and we were talking through that plan. Kahla and I were like, Dr. Adams, should we try some other plan — like maybe terbutaline, which is a medication that stops contractions? And long story short, we were noodling around all these different ideas of what we could be doing, but ultimately we all decided that magnesium was going to be the best route at this point. I just needed to get that steroid shot as soon as possible.
So after I got that steroid shot around six fifteen, I asked the nurse, can I just hop in the shower? And one of the beautiful things — just one of the small but sweet ways the Lord provided for me — was that I had all my stuff with me because I had come from that trip. I had my bag packed, my toiletries and everything. So I was like, can I just hop in the shower for a little bit? I knew that by starting the magnesium I would be kind of bed bound for a while, so I was like, if I can just get a shower in ahead of time, I'll just feel fresh and ready for what's about to happen.
And I apologize if you hear Isaac breathing loudly in the background — he's nursing while I'm recording this.
But yeah, so I'm in the bed and they start the magnesium. One of the things I was most nervous about with being on magnesium was feeling like I had the flu, which is a common symptom — and honestly, the last thing I wanted to feel on top of these really strong contractions. So I was like, if this is going to possibly slow things down, that's what we need to do, but I was dreading it. And thankfully I did not have those flu-like symptoms. I felt very warm once the magnesium was in my system — very warm and a little drowsy — but I did not feel flu-like, which I was so unbelievably thankful for.
And then I could just start to feel those contractions a little more. At this point Brian was sleeping on the pullout bed chair thing, and I'm trying to work through these contractions. They're definitely starting to pick up. I felt like I had maybe a fifteen-minute reprieve when the magnesium started, but then it just continued to really take off. I could tell things were picking up in intensity and frequency — like the train had left the station.
So I am laying in bed, moaning through the contractions, really breathing through them, working through them. And one of the things I did not do was ask for a peanut ball or any of those things, because I was not trying to get this labor to progress. I was actively working against my body, whereas with my first two labors I would have done all the things — changing positions, relaxing fully, breathing through them. But I wasn't doing that with this labor because I was fighting against my body so that Isaac had the most time possible with the steroid in my system. I just wanted him to have the best chance. And so I felt like by fighting myself I was doing that, but it just made the labor a lot more difficult — not only physically, but also mentally, because I was working against my doula brain that was just like, give into this. It was very strange in that way.
So I was first checked around five o'clock — just after five — and I was two centimeters. Just before I started the magnesium around eight forty-five, I was checked again and was already three to four centimeters. And then a couple hours later I was checked again and was at six centimeters. So things were definitely progressing.
And so I asked for the CUB — which stands for Comfortable Upright Birthing — it's like this inflatable U-shaped pillow. I was like, let me just get into a more comfortable position because I am very uncomfortable just laying here in this bed with nothing helping me. So I get on my knees, leaned over the top of it with my upper body, and Dr. Adams comes in and is essentially like, wow, this doula needs a doula if you're asking for an epidural. And I was like, you know what, it's not that I can't handle this pain. It was painful, it was intense. But I can't handle this pain if I'm expected to try to rest so that this labor doesn't progress. And she was just like, Natalie, you're going to have this baby.
And it was like after I had that conversation with her, I just had this feeling of acceptance — that although I would like to feel like I have the power to stop this labor, I don't. And it just kind of prepared me to start actually laboring instead of feeling like I needed to do everything in my power to stop it.
So it was at that point that I realized I need to get my birth team here, because I can just tell I am not managing very well on my own, and I just needed to have a level of acceptance for how this labor was going — even though it was not what I ever imagined or how I thought it would unfold.
So everyone starts to trickle their way in, and it was so incredibly helpful having them there. Even a doula needs a doula — I cannot doula myself when I'm the one needing that physical and emotional encouragement. And so they were doing things like reading my birth affirmations over me, which — shameless plug — I made those birth affirmations for this pregnancy because I really did want to find Christ-centered birth affirmations that were not about me and how strong I am and "I am enough." Those types of affirmations just do not do it for me, because I know that in and of myself, I'm not enough. It is only through the grace of God that he gives me strength to do the hard things in this life, and especially in labor.
So I wanted to create those birth affirmations originally just for myself — I just wanted them for me. And then I realized, wow, this is such an opportunity for other mamas to be able to experience a Christ-centered birth experience, because I think we can lose sight of where our strength comes from and why we're going through the hardship of labor. So I asked Brian to read the birth affirmations over me, and then in between contractions I would thumb through them and pull out specific ones I wanted him to speak over me that just felt very perfect for that moment.
I asked them to play my worship labor playlist. I had essential oils going. I asked them to make my electrolyte drink with my LMNT. Just having words of encouragement, and being reminded — either verbally or with a steady, firm touch — relax your shoulders, relax your chest, relax your legs. Just being reminded of all the things that I know to do, but when you're in it, it's hard to remember. And so just having my doulas, my sisters, and Brian there to provide so much comfort — not only physically, but emotionally.
I don't think everyone needs to labor with a bunch of people with them. I think in some ways that can be very counterintuitive. But for me, with all of my labor experiences, it has been a huge comfort to have the people I love there with me. And so it was just such a joy to have them there. And even though it was obviously a very challenging, unmedicated labor, in between contractions I was getting such a true break — like I wasn't having any pain between contractions — so I was cracking jokes, we were just having a great time. I just kept wanting to sing out. I don't know if you remember this from my other birth stories, but I'm a singer. I grew up singing, going to an arts high school, and singing along to the worship songs — it just was a joyful experience, even though it was also very bittersweet timing with him coming so early.
So it was all in all a very beautiful experience in that way, where obviously I was grappling with the fact that I was not having the type of birth experience or the timing that I wanted. But I felt the Lord's tangible presence with me, and that is something I think I will never, ever forget — just that feeling of the Lord's presence continually wrapping himself around me. A peace that was just passing all understanding.
So I'm laboring for a couple of hours, and I also felt throughout the labor a lot of pressure on my bladder, like I kept wanting to go to the bathroom and just feeling like I needed to pee. I don't know if he was pressing on my bladder in a weird way, but that was just kind of strange. And then around two forty-five — so everyone had gotten to me around one o'clock — a couple hours later, I start lightly grunting through the contractions. And if I'm looking at this from an outside perspective, like if I was serving a doula client and heard them grunting during contractions, I would be like, okay, we're getting a lot closer. But at the time, I don't know if it was because I was still a little bit in denial that this was actually happening — but I was fighting that urge to bear down and grunt with the contractions.
And so Dr. Adams eventually was just like, Natalie, just give into it. You can start to push if that feels good. And as soon as I started pushing, I felt so much better. It was such a relief to push with the contraction when I felt that urge.
And something that kind of came to mind at this point — my water has never broken on its own with my other labors. So I was like, I wonder if this little chicken is going to be born en caul, meaning born inside the amniotic sac with the water intact. And Dr. Adams was like, I mean, it's possible. And I was like, okay, cool — that would be really cool because it's super rare. And I know I have a tough amniotic sac, and he's little because he's preterm, so there was a chance it could happen.
So I'm pushing and we start to see a bulging of what looks like the head or something coming out. And it turns out the amniotic sac is starting to bulge out, and as it's stretching and bulging it breaks and bursts everywhere — like it almost gets all over Dr. Adams — and we are all cracking up. And I just say, so close. I was so close to having that en caul birth. But it didn't work out that way, and that's okay. And then I asked Dr. Adams, but is his head right there? And she's like, absolutely. So I composed myself, drank some water, and got ready because he was about to be born.
So I start pushing again with the next contraction. And it is intense — even though he's small, I'm still pushing a human being out of me. I don't even know if I would necessarily call it the ring of fire. Maybe I experienced that more with this birth than with the other two, because I certainly don't remember feeling the ring of fire with Ellie or Daniel's birth. But I can just tell he's coming. He comes out pretty quickly — not so quickly that he flies out of me, but pretty quickly.
And he is being stimulated, rubbed, and they're suctioning fluid out of his mouth, and then he starts to cry. And that was such a relief to just hear him cry. I didn't know what to expect with having a 33-weeker — I didn't know if he was going to be able to cry, if he was strong enough. I had no idea. So the fact that he was crying was such a relief. I can hear my sisters in the background crying, and there was just instantly so much joy in that moment. And also grief — very, very bittersweet.
So the NICU nurse — I think she was one of the nurse practitioners — she's rubbing Isaac and stimulating him. But they also brought him to my chest and I got to hold him. He was very little — he ended up being four pounds, seven ounces. And then the NICU nurse was like, alright, I gotta take him. And I gave her this look. I guess because she's like, he's a preemie, he needs to go. And in the moment I just felt like you could be a little bit more sensitive than saying it that way. But I was just like, okay. And Brian later told me he was actually really upset, and you can see it on his face — we have the pictures that Erin took, and you can just see the grief and the anger in his face at the fact that his boy was being taken away. And it was still so uncertain at that point — how's he going to do? That was really hard.
But thankfully, in just that moment, I felt protected. I felt like I just had rose-colored glasses on — I think probably because I was so relieved that I was no longer in labor. I was just on a high of, my son is here, I am not in pain, I feel great. He seems to be doing great. And of course it was so sad that he was about to be taken away. Brian did get to cut the cord, they whisked him away to the NICU, and pretty quickly after that I delivered the placenta — very uneventful. With Daniel's birth, that was quite an event, so this was a welcome change.
But then something fascinating happened when the placenta was born. Dr. Adams told me she was seeing a lot of dark blood clots underneath the placenta, and to her it looked like I was having a concealed partial abruption. What that means is my placenta was likely detaching prematurely. And the reason it was called a concealed placental abruption is because I was having no bleeding whatsoever to indicate that it was happening, which is actually a pretty classic sign of an abruption.
And with that, just so much gratitude came over me, because I know that with an abruption it can become a true emergency very quickly. When that placenta detaches, it is no longer sustaining the baby. So there was a scenario where if that placenta had fully detached, Isaac would have been in a very risky situation and I would have been rushed back for an emergency C-section. And so the fact that the Lord just protected us through that is wild to me — absolutely wild. And also such a blessing that despite the magnesium being given to slow things down, it did not slow things down. And that's also the Lord's provision, because Isaac needed to come out. If my placenta was detaching, he needed to come out. That was a very wild part of this whole story — feeling like we came so close to something horrible happening, but that's not what happened. The Lord safely got him out and kept me safe throughout that labor experience. And Isaac's heart rate through the entire labor — literally the entire labor — was perfect. He was great. Such a blessing.
So they get Isaac to the NICU, I'm recovering from giving birth and delivering the placenta. Dr. Adams checks me — I have no tearing. Praise the Lord. And so I'm just kind of hanging out without my baby, and that was hard. Obviously I had two previous experiences where I was able to have my baby immediately skin to skin on my chest, taking it all in, starting breastfeeding, having that golden hour. And I did not get that with Isaac.
Eventually one of the nurses — actually she was the charge nurse, so sweet, and again, I just love the nurses at Memorial — she took a picture of Isaac in the NICU for us so we could see him. And honestly, it was hard to see, and it's even harder to see now knowing what Isaac looks like today. Seeing him with all these things hooked up to him and bruises where they were getting IVs — it was just hard. But it was the only thing I had to see him at that point.
And that was Isaac's birth story. Even now as I think back on it, I see more and more depths to it — that he had me and Isaac perfectly in his will. And it was a blessing to welcome my baby boy the way I did, even though it wasn't my first choice. Or my fiftieth choice. But he came, and he was safe, and it was a beautiful birth experience.
I'm going to save everything that happened after he was born for the next episode, because there is so much more to this story and it deserves its own time and space. And if you want to see photos from this birth, make sure you head to the show notes and click the link to the full blog post — I've shared them over there and I would just love for you to be able to see this sweet boy. Make sure you're subscribed so you don't miss that next episode. Thank you so much for being here, and I will see you next time.
