Overcoming Birth Trauma and Fear: A Foster Mom's Journey to Three Different Deliveries
Hey sweet mama! If you've ever felt overwhelmed by birth fear or wondered if God can truly redeem a traumatic delivery experience, this episode is for you. Today I'm sharing the incredible story of my very first doula client, Nicki—a foster mom whose journey from fourth-degree tear to peaceful births will encourage your heart and strengthen your faith. Grab your coffee and settle in for a story of God's faithfulness through every season of motherhood.
🎧 Listen to the Episode
From Fear to Faith: Nicki's Transformative Birth Journey
When I first met Nicki, she was terrified of giving birth again. And honestly, after hearing her first birth story, I completely understood why. But what unfolded over the next few years—through three radically different deliveries—became a powerful testimony of how God can redeem even our most traumatic experiences and use them for His glory.
The Unexpected Beginning: Called to Foster Care
Nicki's journey to motherhood didn't start the conventional way. Before having any biological children, she and her husband Craig felt a strong calling to foster care. As a teacher in a Title I school, Nicki had seen firsthand the need for safe, loving homes for vulnerable children.
"God just put this huge burden on our hearts to become foster parents," Nicki shared. "We wanted to take in those kids who needed a safe place to stay for however long."
They fostered several children over the years, adopting two precious children and helping others find permanent homes with loving families. It was only after this season of serving "the least of these" that God called them to have biological children.
Birth #1: When Everything Goes Wrong
When Nicki became pregnant with her first biological son, Wyatt, she was both excited and terrified. Like many first-time moms, she had absorbed all the cultural messages about birth being unbearably painful—something you simply had to "get through" with an epidural.
At 37 weeks, labor started fast and intense. But when Nicki arrived at the hospital and received an epidural, everything stopped. After hours of stalled labor and pushing for an hour and a half, the doctor recommended an episiotomy to avoid an emergency C-section.
What happened next changed everything.
Nicki ended up with a fourth-degree tear—one of the most severe types of birth injuries where the tear extends from the vagina to the anus. The recovery was brutal: massive blood loss, inability to stand without passing out, bleeding for weeks beyond her six-week checkup, and months of weakness.
"I remember looking at my husband and saying, 'If we have another baby, I'm not doing this again. Whatever it takes, I'm going to do whatever it is so I don't have to have a fourth-degree tear,'" Nicki recalled.
Birth #2: Finding Hope Through Doula Support
When Nicki became pregnant with Andrew, God made it clear she was called to pursue a natural birth. But she needed support—and that's where our paths crossed through a divine appointment at dinner with my sister.
The preparation made all the difference. Through our work together, Nicki learned:
Techniques for managing labor naturally
What to expect during each stage of birth
How to make informed decisions about her care
The importance of positioning and comfort measures
But this pregnancy brought its own challenges. At 30 weeks, Nicki was diagnosed with an irritable uterus, causing near-constant contractions for months. She was placed on modified bed rest while caring for her three children and working full-time.
Then came the night of false labor. Contractions every three minutes sent us to the hospital, only to be sent home at five centimeters (she was checked previously before labor began and was already 5cm dilated). But I gave Nicki clear instructions: do the Miles Circuit, rest, and trust God's timing.
The next morning, what seemed like stomach flu was actually the real thing. From 7:30 AM to arrival at the hospital, labor progressed so quickly that Andrew "basically just flew out."
The difference was night and day. Nicki tore only to the second degree and could stand immediately after birth. She walked to the bathroom, greeted her other children, and felt like a functioning human being instead of being bedridden for days.
Birth #3: When God's Timing Is Perfect
Nicki's third pregnancy with Keaton was a complete surprise. Already into the beginning of her second trimester during a family road trip out west, she kept gaining weight and feeling nauseous, thinking it was just from all the mountain driving and hiking.
When she finally took a pregnancy test, she was shocked to discover she was already 15 weeks along!
But here's where the story gets even more beautiful. When Nicki found out I was also pregnant—just six weeks ahead of her—she panicked. She had promised herself she wouldn't give birth without me, but how could a newly postpartum doula support her at her birth?
After much prayer, we both felt peace that God would work it out. And He did, in the most perfect way.
Nicki's labor with Keaton lasted only 1.5 hours from start to finish. I had just finished nursing my newborn when she called, supported her through the fastest delivery yet, and was back home before my son needed to nurse again.
She barely tore at all—just first degree—and recovery was the smoothest yet.
Lessons from Nicki's Journey
1. God Can Redeem Any Birth Experience
No matter how traumatic your previous birth was, God can use that experience for good and give you a completely different story the next time.
2. Support Makes All the Difference
Whether it's a doula, childbirth educator, or simply someone who believes in your ability to birth—having knowledgeable support changes everything.
3. Faith vs. Fear in Decision Making
We can choose medical interventions from a place of fear OR from a place of informed faith. The intervention isn't the issue—the heart posture behind it is.
4. God's Timing Is Always Perfect
From the surprise pregnancy to the perfectly timed labors, Nicki's story shows how God orchestrates details we could never arrange ourselves.
5. Postpartum Mental Health Matters
Nicki bravely shared about her postpartum anxiety with her first baby—something she didn't even recognize until after her subsequent births. If you're struggling, please get help. It's not "just normal mom behavior."
📖 Scripture for Your Heart
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you hope and a future." —Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)
This verse became Nicki's anchor through every season—from the trauma of her first birth to the uncertainty of her pregnancies to the everyday challenges of mothering five children while homeschooling.
🙏 A Prayer for Your Birth Journey
Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for Nicki's story and the way it shows Your faithfulness through every season. For the mama reading this who is walking through birth trauma or fear, I pray You would meet her right where she is. Help her to take one day at a time, trusting that You have her exactly where she needs to be. Give her wisdom in her preparations, peace in her decisions, and confidence in Your perfect plan for her birth story. Remind her that You are with her through every contraction, every moment of doubt, and every step of recovery. In Jesus' name, Amen.
📎Resources & Links Mentioned
✨ Christian Mama Birth Prep Library - Free tools, worship playlists, and guides to help you prep with peace.
💛 Work with Me 1:1 - Personalized pregnancy and birth support that integrates faith and evidence-based care, including virtual coaching, doula support, and comprehensive childbirth education.
📣 Let’s Stay Connected
If this episode encouraged you:
Hit subscribe and leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.
Text a friend and share the show with a fellow mama.
Grab your free birth prep tools at the Christian Mama Birth Prep Library.
Meet Your Host —
Natalie is a certified birth doula and childbirth educator in Jacksonville, FL, who equips Christian women to experience peaceful, faith-filled births through virtual and in-person support. She believes every woman deserves to feel confident, supported, and spiritually prepared for her birth journey.
🔗 More You Might Love
📄 Full Episode Transcript
Natalie: I am so excited to welcome today's guest, Nicki Uria, to the podcast. Nicki is a mama of five—three biological and two adopted from foster care. She and her husband Craig have a passion for travel, homeschooling their kids, and living a life rooted in their faith in Jesus. Nicki holds such a special place in my heart because she was actually my very first doula client.
I had the honor of supporting her at the birth of her second biological son, and that experience was truly life-changing for me. It confirmed in such a powerful way that this was the work God was calling me to do. Another cool tidbit—I actually had the joy of supporting her again for the birth of their youngest, which was just another incredible moment I got with Nicki.
What I love about Nicki is how she leans fully on the Lord through every season—from natural and medicated births to adoption and the everyday moments of motherhood. Her heart is to encourage other moms that you can do what God has called you to do even when it feels uncertain. Nicki, thank you so much for being here today.
Nicki: Thanks Natalie. I am excited to be here with you on your podcast.
Natalie: Me too. I have just been dying to have you on the podcast, so let's dive right in. Let's start from the very beginning. What was it like for you to become a mama?
Nicki: My journey to becoming a mom was not the conventional route. Normally people start with their biological kids, but we really felt a strong calling to go into foster care. We had seen it through other families, and I was a teacher for a long time in a Title I school where I was the person calling DCF on families when I felt like kids were not properly being taken care of. And so God just put this huge burden on our hearts to become foster parents and to take in those kids who needed a safe place to stay for however long.
So early on, actually, in our marriage, we started fostering. And we had several foster placements—two of which, as Natalie mentioned earlier, we were able to adopt. We got to have one boy who was 10. He was reunited with a grandma. And then we have two boys that we fostered for a while that got adopted by some sweet friends of ours. So it's been a really neat journey, but we did that for quite a while. And then God called us to have our biological kids. We have Wyatt, Andrew, and Keaton.
Natalie: I just love your heart, Nicki. You really do just want to love and serve the least of these, and that's what I love about your heart—that is what you show every single day taking care of your littles and even other people's littles that become yours. It's just so sweet.
So let's dive into what it was like that first time you were actually pregnant yourself.
Nicki: Yeah, so I was so excited. You know, it's what I had waited for and I just was so ready. When I found out I was pregnant with my first little son, Wyatt, it's fun because my sister actually came over. My sister and I are best friends, very close, and she came over and told me she was pregnant. And I kept thinking in my head, "Oh, I just can't wait till the day that I'm pregnant." Like, I can't wait. I would so love if Kristen, my sister, and I were pregnant together.
Well not even a week later I realized I was pregnant as well. And so it was such a gift to be able to do that season with her. It was so fun. I was also a nervous wreck. Like I had in my head this fear of giving birth ever since I was little. I would just think about like, "Oh my goodness, women always say how horrible it is and how painful it is, and you have to have an epidural or else you're gonna just die on the table." And so in my mind, I just loved being pregnant, but I was like, "I am terrified of what is to come."
So that was always kind of hanging over my head, but in my mind I just was like, "You know what? I'll do an epidural. I'll be fine. Everyone does it. It's just gonna be okay." I tried to really enjoy pregnancy. It was challenging because when I was pregnant, I had a 10-year-old that we were fostering, I had our 2-year-old and 1-year-old that we were fostering as well. And so I was already a mama of three, and so I was very busy. I worked full time and we also moved. And so I felt like it was a very busy season. But I was very blessed. I didn't get sick nearly like most women do. I had a really easy pregnancy, thankfully.
Natalie: That's awesome. I can't even imagine my first time being pregnant and then also having to take care of three other kids. So God bless you, Nicki. You are amazing. So let's now talk about the ways that you prepared for your first birth experience, because like you're saying, there was a lot of fear that was there. But how did you prepare for that experience besides just resolving that, "Oh, I'm gonna get an epidural because that's what people do to get through the intensity of childbirth"?
Nicki: Yeah, so it was interesting because my sister and I, we walked this season together hand in hand. And the reason I mention her is because she was on a whole different journey, even though we were only like a week apart in our due dates. She wanted to do natural. She knew from the get-go she was gonna get a doula and was trying to convince me to do the same. And in my head, I just had it blocked off. I just was like, "That is not something I could do. God has not called me to do that. I'm just gonna get through it."
So I just kind of went through the route of going to the birthing classes in the hospital. I went and talked to the anesthesiologist. I tried to make up a birthing plan and do as much research as I could to do things as natural as I could, but with an epidural. Meaning I wanted to do delayed cord clamping. I wanted to be able to do skin to skin. So I tried to get that kind of stuff ready. But honestly, I was really in the dark except for the things that my sister would tell me from the things that she learned from her doula. I just was trying to figure things out on my own and was walking pretty blindly. And honestly, walking with a lot of fear of what was to come, because I had this block in my head that it was gonna be such a scary experience.
Natalie: Yeah, I tell my clients, you don't know what you don't even know, and there are things as you're preparing for this journey that as a doula we can help you even know what to have on your radar, so to speak. And so I love that your sister had that doula support and then as an overflow of what she was learning, you were learning some other things that you weren't—like you said, you just were walking blindly that first go because you just didn't even know what to expect or how to prepare yourself. I'm sure you and your sister are very similar, but even just that mindset of she was resolved to pursue unmedicated and you just knew that's not what you wanted.
And that's fine. Like I think that there's a misconception that as a doula I'm only there to support moms who are planning to have a very low intervention, no medication type of birth. But I do think that the Lord can be very specific with us, and we need to just be sensitive to what we feel like the Lord is calling us to do. However, I also think that we shouldn't make decisions out of fear. So I think we can make decisions like having an epidural where we make that decision because we're afraid of the pain, or we can choose a medicated birth because we fear other people's opinions of us, or what our own opinion of ourselves might be, or other factors.
And so, regardless of the woman who's listening right now thinking, "Oh, I probably need to pursue an unmedicated birth"—no, that's not the point. You need to be sensitive to what the Holy Spirit is leading you to do and to make sure you're making decisions not out of fear, but out of faith in the Lord and what he's calling you to do.
Nicki: Yeah, I 100% agree, and I feel like just having the doula support through the pregnancy journey gave my sister so much confidence in what God had called her to do, and just helped her mentally prepare and know what to do when the time came. Whereas I felt like because I was on my own, I was just Googling and trying to figure it out and asking friends and asking questions, and when you do that, you're just walking blindly. And so I just feel like having doula support, medicated or unmedicated, does make a huge difference.
Natalie: Yeah, I totally agree. So let's dive now into Wyatt's actual birth story. So how far along were you when you went into labor and how did everything get started?
Nicki: I was 37 weeks and I had gone to a Christmas party and came home and was having contractions, and I just kept thinking, "Huh, I'm having lots of Braxton Hicks. I'm so tired from that Christmas party." And as the night progressed and we put the kids to bed, I started thinking like, "Huh, these are getting pretty painful, but surely this is not labor," because in my head I had this fear that birth was going to be so unbearable that I would not be able to handle anything. So I was like, "Surely this isn't labor. Like this hurts, but it's like a period cramp, you know? Like I'm fine."
So I kept telling my husband, "I think it's just Braxton Hicks, like I just keep having them," and I let it go on probably for like 30 minutes. Eventually I was on the phone with my sister and she's like, "Hey, Nicki, this is not Braxton Hicks. You're in labor." Granted, if I had had a doula, I would've probably known, but I was like, "Oh, okay, this is labor. Like, you know, it does hurt. I am struggling to breathe through my contractions, so it does make sense that it does hurt."
So we got my mom to watch the kids and I got to the hospital and I ended up progressing very fast. When I got there, I pretty much went to eight centimeters and they looked at me and they said, "Hey, if you want an epidural, you have to do it now." I was like, "Okay, I guess give it to me." So at that point, my being in labor was just a couple of hours, very short. So I got the epidural and at that point my labor stopped. I was able to rest, and I just kinda laid there, but nothing was happening. Like I went from super fast to just nothing. And I eventually finally progressed enough.
But Wyatt's head was really big—in the 99th percentile. As I was ready to push and they told me I was ready to push, I started pushing and pushing and pushing, and I pushed for an hour and a half and he just couldn't get out. And so the doctor said, "Hey, if he's not gonna get out of here, it's gonna get dangerous. We're gonna have to do an episiotomy. If you do not do the episiotomy, we're gonna probably have to do an emergency C-section."
I was terrified. I knew going in, I did not want to have to do a C-section if I didn't have to. So I said, "Okay," and I looked around at all the nurses, because that's all the people I had to help me. And I said, "What would you do? Would you guys do an episiotomy?" And they all said, "Yep, I would do it." So I did it and Wyatt came out the next push. But I ended up tearing to the fourth degree and that was the most painful of the whole experience. It took a very long time to recover and was just very painful right out of the gate, just tearing that badly. And he was a pretty small baby. Like I said, I was 37 weeks. He was only seven pounds, which is not ginormous. So the reason I tore so bad was the episiotomy, and if I would've known differently, I would've chosen probably not to do it in that situation.
Natalie: Oh, Nicki, that breaks my heart. I knew that about your story obviously because I was your doula the second time, but it is very rare to have a fourth degree tear. And fourth degree tears are when you tear from the vaginal to the anal opening completely. And yeah, the recovery for that is insane. And episiotomies do increase the degree of the tear. If you had naturally torn, it might have been less, but at that point with you pushing an hour and a half, obviously I wasn't there to say, "Oh yeah, you should have done it or you shouldn't have done it." At the end of the day, that's what the Lord had for your story. But wow, that's so intense. And thank God Wyatt was here safely and all the things, but it's still okay to grieve the fact that that happened because that is really rough when that happens. I have actually yet to witness a fourth degree tear or an episiotomy and I pray I never do. But that's intense. I'm so sorry.
So Nicki, tell me what was that postpartum recovery like for you, since you had such an intense delivery?
Nicki: It was really rough, Natalie. The following day, the day after I gave birth—I gave birth early in the morning—so that whole next day I couldn't stand really. I lost so much blood that if I stood up, I would pass out. So they kept having to walk me to the bathroom or help me to go anywhere. My other kids came to meet him and I couldn't get out of the bed to be with them and to help introduce the baby to the kids. I was honestly just bedbound, in so much pain and so lightheaded from all the blood loss.
I thought that was normal. I didn't realize that that is not normal to feel that lightheaded and to feel so just weak after giving birth. And I mean, it's normal to feel weak but not pass-out level weak. And even when I got home, I was bleeding a ton. I bled for weeks on end, way past my six-week checkup. I was still bleeding. I was pretty weak even for a while. Like, I remember even after having Wyatt for a week, my mom saying, "Hey, let's walk around the street, like the neighborhood. Let's get out a little bit." And I remember walking down my street and just being like, "I can't walk more than this. This is way too much." And I'm a very active person. I work out, I have lots of kids that I'm running around with. I'm not one to just sit ever. So it's very unlike me. But I think having so much blood loss and going through so much pain with that fourth degree caused me to be really weak. So it took me a while till I was up walking around the neighborhood and able to really care for my other kids like I wanted to.
So it was a challenge. It did help me for sure. After that, I looked at my husband though, and I said, "If we have another baby, if God blesses us with another, I'm not doing this again. I don't want another fourth degree. So whatever it takes, I'm going to do whatever it is so I don't have to have a fourth degree tear." And it turns out that was using you, Natalie, that God ended up putting you in my life, which was such a gift for my next pregnancy. Because I just knew I couldn't go through that again. It was really hard and really taxing on my body.
My mom tore a fourth degree with my brother and she had a very similar experience, and so because of that I just kind of thought it was normal because she went through that. And so, yeah, I'm sure there are a lot of women that just kind of suffer through it and I'm sure there were things that I could have done to help it.
Natalie: Yeah. So even though that was your experience, and especially not knowing anything else to compare it to, it is definitely not normal to bleed to that degree for that long and definitely worth if that's your experience, mama who's listening, to make sure your providers are checking your hemoglobin, checking to make sure that there's no retained tissue or placenta or anything that would cause that much bleeding. That also not only affects how you feel, but it can also drastically mess with your milk supply if you're intending to breastfeed and has all these other hormonal chains that are set off. So really important to gauge what's normal and what's not. And if you're feeling horrible after you deliver and it's just not getting better consistently, that's absolutely worth notifying your provider and sticking to it. Even if they don't wanna listen, even if they think that it's all in your head, you continue to speak up or you let your partner know, "Hey, I need you to fight for me because this is not right. The way I feel is not right. I'm not able to do normal things anymore, and it's been weeks after I've delivered. I need somebody to help me."
So let's now get into your experience with Andrew, your second biological son, and that pregnancy and kind of what you were doing to prepare for that birth experience.
Nicki: So, like I said, I knew I did not want to go through what I went through before and God just put it on my heart that I was gonna do a natural birth. I felt like it didn't go well with the epidural, so maybe natural would be the way to go. God made that really clear to me in multiple different ways. I was praying through getting a doula. Honestly, I wanted someone that I would trust, someone I would feel comfortable with. I didn't really know where to find one except for who my sister used, but my sister's person was moving out of the state, so that was not gonna be an option.
And I was at dinner with one of my good friends who happens to be Natalie's sister, and was just talking through how I knew God was calling me to get a doula. It just all worked out—God laid it out and had a perfect plan for it, because Kellie was able to hook me and Natalie up, and because Natalie had just finished her doula trainings. So that was just such a gift from God and it really made me see that God was in control and that God was like, "Yep, you are doing this. I am calling you to do this natural birth and I'm gonna provide for you and I'm gonna take care of you through this process."
And so having Natalie made such a difference. When I was pregnant with Andrew, that journey was kind of rough in the beginning because I ended up miscarrying after Wyatt. I had a miscarriage and then I got pregnant maybe about four months after the miscarriage with Andrew. So there was a little bit of fear in that pregnancy, especially in the early days. And I think it took me a little while to move forward and to start preparing for birth. But once I got Natalie and was able to really focus on that birth, she just really helped me feel confident and feel ready and prepared by giving me techniques, giving me just tips and tricks, just helping me know what to expect and what to do when the time came.
Andrew's pregnancy was a little bit different as well because at 30 weeks I got diagnosed with an irritable uterus and because I had too much amniotic fluid, so that basically caused contractions all the time. I was having contractions way more than typical Braxton Hicks. They would be often on a regular schedule, like every five minutes for an hour or two hours or every three minutes, or sometimes sporadic. It was almost like I was in preterm labor for quite some time. And so it made my doctor want me to go on like a modified bed rest where she asked me to limit all of the activity that I was doing, which at that point I had three kids at home and I was still working full-time. And so that was very difficult.
I did my best and thankfully she did say modified, so I did the best that I could with the three kids at home. But anytime I was more active and up around cooking, doing laundry, the contractions would start and it would just be contraction after contraction after contraction. And they were nervous that the contractions would end up being successful contractions, not just practice contractions, which is why they wanted me to go on the modified bed rest. So that was difficult. But thankfully God was in control and Andrew stayed in up until 38 weeks and I ended up having a healthy pregnancy.
Natalie: Yeah. It's crazy because you having such an irritable uterus, so to speak, and having all those warmup contractions, it was also messing with me since you were my first doula client. I had a hard time knowing at that point when to pay attention to things or when to let it pass and just understand that, "Okay, Nicki's body's just having a lot of this warmup." And, it being my first time ever being somebody's doula, I was also on edge with you. But I remember the night before you actually went into labor, when you reached out to me and contractions were coming very regularly and pretty strong and we were like, "Okay, this might be it."
So I came over to your house and we were trying to figure out what moves to do. I was doing acupressure points on you, like all this stuff. We end up going to the hospital and it was not real labor and I just remember being like, "Oh man!" But it's funny because we both were fumbling at that point a little bit of just knowing what to do because you're right, it was very confusing having these contractions but not really knowing when to actually pay attention to them or not.
Nicki: It was, and I remember when you came over, they were every three minutes and we—but they weren't super painful, but we were curious because my first pregnancy went so fast up until the epidural, we were like, "Well, maybe that's just how my body is and I don't feel super bad contractions, and so maybe I am in labor." So we were—it was very confusing. But yeah, I remember going and I was only like five centimeters and she was like, "Do you wanna stay at the hospital or do you wanna go home?" I went home and Natalie gave me very clear instructions of what to do. She said, "Do the Miles Circuit, do these stretches, and just rest, and know that God's timing is perfect and this baby's gonna come when this baby comes, and you're gonna know when he's coming." So I said, "Okay, that's what I'm gonna do."
So I went home and I did the Miles Circuit and I got a full night of sleep. I did wake up some with some of the contractions, but for the most part, a full night of sleep. And at 7:30 the next morning, I remember waking up. I had the stomach bug and I told my husband, I said, "Craig, I am sick with the stomach bug. I'm so sick." And he was like, "I don't think you're sick. I think we should call Natalie. I think this is labor."
So he's on the phone with Natalie and she was just amazing walking us through just that very beginning, getting us ready. "Okay, this is labor. How is Nicki feeling? This is what it is." And it ended up going very fast from there. I went into labor around 7:30. Like I said, I took a shower and we left for the hospital. And basically at the time that we got to the hospital, I was getting checked into triage and Natalie spoke up for me and made sure that they moved me along pretty quick. And I remember looking at her and just saying, "Natalie, I have this pressure. Like I have never felt," because I've never done this before, naturally. And she's like, "Honey, you're in transition. This baby is coming." And this was right after we got to the hospital. It ended up that the doctor had to run down the hall. They were running me down the hall and this baby basically just flew out of me. It was a very fast labor. And it just went so smoothly and amazingly because my body, I think, just was uber prepared from doing all the practice contractions. And so Andrew just flew on out.
Natalie: I will obviously never forget your birth because it was my first birth experience, but it was insane to me how quickly things were progressing. And we talk about understanding and trusting your intuition. I had a feeling that you were in labor and I'm so glad that I told you, "Nicki, I think you're in labor," because you were having like a lot of stomach upset kind of symptoms and when your body is stimulating—when the uterus is contracting, it also stimulates your bowels, which is also why your body clears out before labor begins. And so I was like, "No, I think this is real labor."
And honestly, I feel if I had not said that you may have waited a lot longer and possibly had a car baby because yeah, things moved so quickly. But I remember that morning I had my mom come and I was like, "Mom, I think my client's in labor. Can you just come over just in case?" And thank God she did because I rushed to the hospital, which thankfully it's the closest hospital to me. Praise the Lord. And I get there right when you guys get there, I help you through the check-in and we get up to the room and yeah, you were like, "I have to poop." And I'm like, "No, Nicki, that's a baby that's wanting to come out." And yeah, just the chaos of trying to rush you up to your room and your provider trying to get there in time and all the things, man, it was a wild ride. But yeah, everything was going so smoothly, which is a dream. But I also—when you have a labor that is this fast and furious, I imagine from the labors I've seen like yours and other women's that are very quick, it looks to me like a woman who is trying to hold on to a moving freight train. It is so intense to just be carried along for the ride of such a quick and rapid labor experience. Is that what it felt like to you? Explain what that felt like to be laboring just so quickly.
Nicki: Yes, that's exactly what it felt like. Because before I had the epidural, they told me when to push. This time I thought in my head I was like, "I thought I could control the pushing." Absolutely not. I remember my body saying, "Push," and I would push and then I would say, "I'm gonna lay down for just a minute." And then it wouldn't even be a minute—I was up again pushing. And it was just so fast. I felt not out of control a hundred percent because I felt like you were helping me stay so focused that I felt like, "Okay, I can do this. I got this, this is what God's called me to do." And I was focusing on the worship music that we had playing. So I was very honed in. I was in labor land, just like you say all the time. And so I felt like mentally I was there, but my body, yes, was just like boom, boom, boom, contraction, contraction, contraction.
I didn't even realize till after that birth that a lot of women get breaks where they can rest in between their pushes. Like my sister had like a solid 30 minutes when she hit transition to actually pushing out her baby. I didn't know that was a thing. So thankfully I wasn't expecting it—I didn't know what to expect there. Yeah, it was very fast and very, very intense. And I do remember in the middle of it thinking like, "I don't know if I can do this." And you were just like, "You have got this. Just hang on. You got it. Just focus," and just having you look me in the eyes and tell me I could do it was what I needed to get through.
Natalie: And then tell us, did you tear and if you did tear, to what degree this time? Tell us, because obviously that was a huge part of your first birth experience and just all of the intensity that followed postpartum recovery-wise. What happened this time?
Nicki: This time we were super diligent to do things to help prevent tearing, so I made sure I was in certain positions. And then also we did warm compresses during the pushing, which was amazing. I recommend that to all my mom friends who are gonna have babies, because that made a huge difference and just brought so much comfort to bring blood flow there. So I did end up tearing, but just to the second degree, borderline third. But that was honestly due to how badly I tore the first time. If this was my first birth, I don't think I would've torn nearly to the same extent. But he was an eight pound, eight ounce baby, so he was bigger. But yeah, the tearing was not nearly as bad. And then when I pushed him out and I had him, I could stand up almost immediately after. I remember my kids came and I got up out of bed and I got to meet them and greet them. I went and I walked to the bathroom by myself. I remember just feeling this freedom like, "Wow, I just gave birth and I'm walking. This happens to people." I just remember being blown away because of the difference between my first birth to this birth, I just felt like, "Wow, I don't even—I felt pain. I felt like I gave birth obviously, but I felt like I could still be a human being and function and enjoy those moments freshly postpartum."
Natalie: I was so thankful. I think I was on pins and needles waiting to hear what the OB was gonna say, how badly you tore if you tore at all, and to just hear that it was just a second degree—which is still intense, but especially when you're comparing that to your first experience of fourth degree tear—that's much more manageable. And like you're saying, you could already tell such a huge difference that your body was able to cope with that so much easier. And I'm sure the blood loss was different and all the things, but praise God for that. So then tell us about the postpartum experience for that in comparison to Wyatt's postpartum experience.
Nicki: It was night and day different. I got home from the hospital and I remember it was Easter Sunday—gave birth on Good Friday—and I remember it being Easter Sunday and I remember saying, "Hey, we should go to church." And my family was like, "I don't think we should go to church today. I think we should stay home." I just felt so much better. I obviously did a lot of the pads with witch hazel to help relieve some of the discomfort, because I still bled and had discomfort, but I was able to cook and walk around, move. I was going places pretty early. I just felt so much better postpartum with Andrew. He nursed very well. He was a great nurser from the beginning. It was such a blessing. His postpartum was really a gift that I just am so thankful for because I know most women don't have that. And I definitely didn't have that my first go around. And so it was just really nice to be able to just enjoy the season of soaking in the newborn cuddles and nursing and just being with all the littles.
Natalie: I love that so much. So then you had kind of a surprise pregnancy with Keaton, right? So tell us about finding out you were pregnant and what that pregnancy was like.
Nicki: Yes, we did. So we were not trying to have another baby at this point. We had talked about it, we knew down the road that we probably would, but we had four littles all under the age of six. And so we were like, "You know, maybe in a few years we'll have another." But of course, God's timing is different than ours.
And we had taken a big trip out west for four to five weeks. And while we were out there we were driving around the mountains and the canyons a ton. And I just remember being over there and feeling pretty nauseous oftentimes, but thinking, "Oh, we're just driving through the canyons a lot. We're traveling, we're hiking five miles every day. So surely that's all why I am nauseous." And we went the whole trip, I did not have any clue that I was pregnant. While we were there, I kept gaining weight in my belly and I was like, "Wow, this is so strange. I'm hiking so much and I just keep gaining weight. Something is wrong with my hormones."
So I told my husband when we got back from our trip, I said, "I've gotta go get something checked out. I just feel like something's not right. I'm gaining weight, I'm just not feeling a hundred percent like myself." He's like, "Okay, yeah, I'm sure you're fine. But okay." Well, we were headed out one day and in my head I said, "You know, I wonder if I'm pregnant. I wonder if that's what this is." So I quickly took a pregnancy test. We were actually headed to SeaWorld, and in my mind I was like, "Oh, this is probably gonna be negative. There's no way I'm pregnant." And it was positive. We were just shocked. We were blown away just because we had not planned it. It was so unexpected. But we were excited, just a little nervous about what was to come, but we were excited.
I went to the doctor the following week and it turned out I was 15 weeks. So I was well into my second trimester. And when they were gonna do the vaginal ultrasound, they ended up just doing one on the belly and you could see the full baby in there. And it was just such a gift. It was so exciting to find out I was pregnant and then there I was, I just had this big old baby in my belly. So it was exciting.
Natalie: I knew you were traveling when you suspected or could tell something was off, but I didn't realize you were just that active and thinking, "What is happening in my body?" Oh my goodness. So funny. So then it's funny too, because you didn't know how far along you were when you found out you were pregnant, but I remember you pulled me aside at church and you're like, "Natalie, I have something to tell you." And I was like, "Oh my gosh. What?" You're like, "I'm pregnant." And I'm like, "I'm really pregnant too." So our boys were what, like six weeks apart? Like their due dates were six weeks apart or something around there. And you're like, "Oh, Natalie, I need you to help me." And I'm like, "I really want to be there for you, but I am so pregnant. Oh my gosh. Help me help you."
Nicki: Yeah, I remember finding out, and one of the first things that day I told my husband, I was like, "Oh, Natalie's pregnant. Oh my gosh." And I had told you after I had Andrew, I said, "I will have you if I have another baby. I will not give birth without you." And so in my head I was like, "I've gotta have Natalie." And so I was panicked about that and prayed a lot about it. And you were so gracious to say that you could do it and you could help me for this baby. Which was such a gift because I was terrified to do it without you. Even though I felt prepared—you had taught me all the things. My husband is an amazing supporter. I knew he could handle it. I knew I could find another doula to help. But something about you, just having you with me was just such a comfort and something that I really wanted.
Natalie: Yeah, and it honestly, it broke my heart to think of me not being there to support you, especially when that was what your heart desired. I don't ever presume to be like, "Oh, somebody needs me there," to support them by no means. But I knew that was your heart, that you really wanted me to be there. And so Brian and I prayed a lot about it too, and just "Lord, help me know what to do because I have pretty good boundaries when it comes to not taking clients around important dates or travel and that kind of stuff." I've gotten much better about that over the years of being a doula, just because I want to respect not only my own boundaries, but just what's best for my clients as well.
But with you specifically, I was like "Lord knows she gives birth very quickly." And even though you were just a month or so behind me in our pregnancy, I just felt a peace about it. A peace that truly just came from the Lord that it was all gonna work out. And so I didn't stress about it, and I just knew that whenever you were gonna go into labor, the Lord was gonna work it out. And I had even prepared you, "Hey, there is a scenario where I can't make it to you, where something crazy happens." And you guys were totally willing to accept that as the caveat of me taking you on after just having had a baby myself.
So it was really sweet too, despite kind of all the crazy circumstances that the Lord was yet again, just working everything out for us in the background. And we just needed to pray and trust in him and his plan.
Nicki: Yeah, I remember even after going into labor with Keaton, God so lined it up so perfectly that you had even nursed, I think right before you came to the hospital and I was done with my labor. I can get into that in a second, but I was done with my labor by the time you needed to nurse again, by the time he woke up. So God just so ordained that and it was such a gift. Because I know God would've equipped me. I strongly believe he will bring us through whatever it is he calls us to do. It was just like him smiling down on me and saying, "Hey, I got you. You're okay. Natalie's there. She's supporting you. I'm in control of this whole pregnancy and birthing experience."
Natalie: Absolutely. So yeah, let's get into Keaton's birth. Go through how far along you were and how all that started.
Nicki: With Keaton, it was a pretty similar experience to Andrew, except I thankfully did not have an irritable uterus. I had a very healthy pregnancy the whole time. And right before I was due, it was about 37 weeks, I wanted to start getting my labor along just because Wyatt was seven pounds, five ounces and he was three weeks early. Andrew was two weeks early. He was eight pounds, eight ounces. So I knew around 37 weeks that I wanted the baby to start moving because I didn't want a 10-pound baby at 40 weeks.
And so Natalie had mentioned to me to go to the chiropractor and to do acupuncture. I was kinda skeptical at first if it would work or do anything, but I went and she did acupuncture on me and said, "Honestly, the majority of women go into labor within 24 hours." So I told my husband, "Hey, get ready. This is what she said." And I was 37 weeks at this point. My husband was very skeptical. He did not believe that I would go into labor anytime soon, but I did. Literally within 24 hours, we had been walking around, I had done some curb walking with him and that night I started having those contractions and I told my husband though, I said, "You know, I think it's gonna go away. I think it's Braxton Hicks, it's just gonna go away." He was like, "Okay, sure, why don't you lay down, try to get some rest like you did with Andrew and maybe in the morning we will have another morning baby, because we don't wanna have a baby at night. I need my sleep."
And so I was like, "Okay." So I laid down and in about 10 minutes I was like, "Okay, this is not going away. These are very—they're getting more intense and they're getting closer together." So I called Natalie and it felt horrible calling her by the way, because she had the newborn. But she was so sweet and gracious and was like, "Yeah, this is probably labor." From there it progressed very fast, just like Andrew, and we rushed to the hospital and I got there. I got checked into my room, and I think it was a total of one and a half hours from the time that labor started to the time that Keaton came out. So it was, once again, a very intense birth. But thankfully it was very smooth and he basically flew out. But for him I only tore to the first degree, borderline second, so I barely tore, which was a huge gift. And it was just a very smooth delivery and I'm thankful for that.
Natalie: I was hoping and suspecting that you would have another quick labor, for my sake. I know for you that is—it's a very intense experience, but yeah, like you mentioned, it was just insane how the Lord had timed it. I think you guys even had a hard time getting ahold of me, which terrified me from that point on because we had a sound machine on and like I said, we had a newborn, so I remember you had a hard time getting ahold of us. I think you had to call Brian, but it worked. You got ahold of him. He got me up and I got there in time, but yeah. What a fast, beautiful labor experience. And then tell us how that postpartum experience was. How was nursing, how was recovery? All the things.
Nicki: Postpartum was very similar to Andrew's. It was pretty smooth. Thankfully, I tore less this time and so the recovery was much easier. I felt like I was able to get back to doing things a little bit easier. I did struggle a little bit this round with just juggling all the kids with a newborn. It felt like it was easier to be on the go and keep my life moving. So I just kind of kept trucking along and trying to just keep things moving. Because the minute we're home, I felt like they would destroy the house and I would have to be cleaning up a million messes while also trying to nurse and hold the baby. But overall it was pretty smooth. Just had to figure out juggling five kids at home, all young. And also I homeschool and so homeschooling and all that as well. But the postpartum, he nursed really well and I healed pretty quickly, so I'm thankful. I did do some physical therapy for my pelvic floor just because I knew after having three babies, especially after having Wyatt and all the trauma that that caused, so I did do a lot of pelvic floor therapy after Keaton. I was really intentional with that, and I think that that was very helpful this time around.
Natalie: I love that you did that. Yeah. That's one of those things that not a lot of women are aware that their pelvic floor function or dysfunction is something to really pay attention to and I'm so glad that you were able to take that time to focus on yourself because not only is that good for recovering from birth, but just long-term health having a pelvic floor that's functional allows you to just stay more capable, well into old age. So that's awesome. I'm so glad you did that.
Thank you, Nicki, for coming on here and sharing your birth experiences. I would love for you to give your overall takeaway for mamas that are listening whatever stage that they're in. If they are, this is their first pregnancy and they also can relate to just being fearful. Or this is their third pregnancy and they are trying to think through what they want for this experience and trying to move away from maybe some trauma or fear from previous experiences. Or maybe the mama who is taking care of multiple littles and just all the life stress and balance that's required in that season. Any encouragement for any of those mamas?
Nicki: Yeah, I would say to just try to take one day at a time. I feel like it's really easy to go down the "what ifs" or the "what's to come." And so with that, you can be crippled with fear. At least I know I can be. And I felt that with my pregnancy with Wyatt. I even felt that being pregnant with Andrew and having the irritable uterus, like "what if he is six weeks early? What if he is in the NICU?" And then also just balancing all the littles. When I start getting ahead of myself, of, "Oh, well after this week, what am I gonna do? How do I get through this?" It can just be very overwhelming and really stressful, and it's hard to enjoy those moments that we get as moms.
So I would just say, enjoy the day that you're in right now. God has you right now where you're supposed to be. He has the future in his hands and you don't have to worry about it. He's fully in control and he's holding you exactly where he needs you to be. And so just trust him. Trust that today, whatever it is that he's bringing your way, that you can enjoy it. And just soak in those moments, whether it be pregnancy, enjoy—even if you're not loving pregnancy, enjoy the fact that you get this special bond with your baby that you'll never get again. Or those newborn cuddles that you're gonna miss one day. And people say it, but it's true. You don't get those little newborn snuggles, but just for a couple months. So enjoy it, soak it up. Or even the toddlers or the elementary age kids when they're driving you crazy, just enjoy it because it goes so fast. And just try to be intentional with what it is that God's called you to do for today. If it's to be a mom to your littles, if it's to work, whatever it is, try to just be intentional and diligent in doing whatever it is that he's called you to do.
Oh, and another thing I wanted to encourage whoever is listening with especially for those postpartum mamas, it's very common to struggle with postpartum anxiety or postpartum depression. And often we think, "Oh, it's nothing. It's just normal." I did not realize until I had Andrew and Keaton that I had had postpartum anxiety with Wyatt. And I was very fearful when—after I had him, I was so afraid that he would get sick with RSV or that he would get SIDS and pass away while he's sleeping. I mean, the list was through the roof of what I was afraid of, what could happen to him. And it was way more than my normal anxiety. I have anxiety, but not anything that I would say is more than a typical woman. I just thought that was normal mom behavior or normal mom thinking. But after having Andrew and Keaton, I realized what postpartum anxiety looked like and how that's not what we want and that's not normal. And so if you are feeling like that, if you are feeling just sad or anxious more than normal, get it checked out. And don't be afraid to ask for help. Because it is meant to be a time where you enjoy and it is so hard to enjoy those moments when you're struggling with crippling anxiety or depression.
Natalie: Yeah, Nicki, thank you for sharing that. And I certainly see that in my own journey as well, where it's almost like coming out of it—coming out of what I've been walking through with my kind of postpartum anxiety and depression. And now being on the other side of it, I realized how dark it was and where I was mentally. And you're right, we shouldn't just accept that as normal. It might be common, but that's not functionally normal that we are constantly anxious, constantly worried for our life or for our kids' lives. Always feeling like it's up to us to make everything happen. That's not what the Lord has for us.
And I actually wanted to encourage with the verse Jeremiah 29:11, where he says "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you, not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." And that really is the Lord's doing—that is not something that we need to, like you're saying, set out and have everything planned out. The Lord isn't calling us to plan out our whole life. It says that the Lord has the plans for our lives and they are good plans and they will prosper us for our good and the Lord's glory. And it's something that I have to cling to all the time because I forget it all the time. And as soon as things start to feel out of control in my life, I instantly want to go into control mode. And so if you know that that's your tendency as well, I know Nicki would say the same, just continue to pursue the Lord and let his plans for your life encourage you and make you feel his will is being done. And it doesn't have to be all on your shoulders to make all the things happen in your life.
Nicki, thank you so much for coming on today and sharing your stories and your encouragement. I know that so many mamas are gonna hear this and just love what you had to say and can in some way relate to the seasons that you've walked through. So thank you so much for coming on and sharing your story.
Nicki: Thanks Natalie. Thanks for having me. And I just love your heart and everything that you're doing for moms during pregnancy, birth, and postpartum. You're amazing.
Natalie: Oh, thanks Nicki. I love you. Thank you again and I am excited for everyone that's gonna hear it.
